Today, I write with a heavy heart. The news is true; there is no denying it anymore. We are here to mourn a serious loss.

Chivalry is dead.

And it has been for some time. Our ideals and expectations when it comes to dating have changed drastically in the last few years alone. Gradually, dates and courting became obsolete and were replaced with “talking” and “hooking up”. We are defining new normals for intimacy that past generations would have found appalling, and that future generations will accept because they will not know any other way. We are teaching ourselves that the courtesy and honor that we are to receive in order to feel respected in a relationship are unnecessary.

But who is really to blame? Certainly not ourselves, right? We’re just following in the footsteps, wandering absent-mindedly as we search for someone who’s normal fits ours. No one specifically is at fault. Not just guys, not just girls. We have all, collectively, done this to ourselves. To us, it is perfectly acceptable to go with the current, to do what we can for someone else’s attention or affections now and to think about it later.

The problem is, there are still those of us out there who care to think first.

And it is truly sad, that in today’s society saying “no” or not choosing a “friends-with-benefits” type path is problematic for someone’s love life. What happened to dating? To asking for someone’s phone number instead of “sliding into their DM’s?" Is it even possible to find a perfect match anymore, or should we just rely on Tinder to do the matching for us?

Everyone is looking for something. Some of us have found what we’re looking for, some are still searching, and others do not even know what they are looking for. Within each and every one of us is a strong desire to find someone to love us, regardless of whether we want to admit it or not. We say friends with benefits doesn’t bother us, or that it’s ok that they talk to other people because they talk to us more. We make excuses because we think we’re so close to finding what we’ve been searching for.

But with this mindset – this intense need to find someone right now – no matter how close we are we’ll always be just as far away.

If commitment is not for you, that is fine. I’m not judging, merely ranting. Being old fashioned in today’s world is almost embarrassing, as it is no longer normal. I long for the day that I can ask my friends “where did he take you last night?” rather than “did he seriously Netflix and chill you on a first date?” We see no lines anymore and – if there even are any – we have no problem crossing them. It’s no longer talking, dating, and then intimacy. It’s intimacy, talking, and then possibly dating. So do we accept this new normal and move on? Or do we stand our ground? If all’s fair in love and war, can we ever even win?

Don’t be embarrassed for going after what you want, and do not feel ashamed of sitting on the sidelines and waiting either. Like I said; we are all searching. And we will all go about finding what we are looking for in different ways. Chivalry may be dead, but maybe there is something like it just around the corner in the form of someone who genuinely cares.

Keep looking, keep searching, and never settle for anything less than what you think you deserve.