Approximately 30 percent of people in the United States suffer from anxiety in the United States. I myself have bouts of anxiety and I understand that my anxiety is nowhere near the point of others but it does make going through my day quite difficult sometimes. The time I feel most anxious is during the school year. On top of being a busy senior in college, I participate in multiple ensembles, work, and have many performances in a small amount of time. There are just not enough hours in the day to ever complete everything I'd like. I realize that I am not the only one who goes through this stress and I'm not writing this for pity but instead I want to let people know that it's okay to feel this way and you are not alone.
Many days I have this constant dread that I am not good enough compared to my peers. I work very hard but yet I always feel like it's never good enough. I've been told I'm a good performer and that I'll make an excellent teacher but I never believe them. In my head, it just seems like their only saying that to be nice. I have the bad habit of always comparing myself to other people and assuming that I'll never be as good as them no matter how hard I try. To join this feeling I always have the thought in the back of my mind that people are judging me or my actions and on the outside, I show that I don't care what people think but on the inside, my stomach is in knots.
This week I got a new view on my anxiety from one of my professors. We were having a music lesson together and he told this great idea that a colleague of his said. My professor went on to tell me that each one of us has a child inside of us. This child is always there reminding us of our own insecurities. The child inside of us results from your own childhood and incidents that have happened to you. This made me really think about my childhood and it helped me reflect on how I became the person I am today. Growing up I did not have the ideal relationship with my parents, with my mom being in-and-out of my life and my dad remarrying, it left me feeling lost and unwanted. No matter how hard I tried, I never felt like I was important to them. There were other incidents that lead to me feeling like this one would be the bullying I suffered in high school from people I thought were my best friends. That has affected me greatly because I now have a difficult time trusting people and believing that they aren't going to hurt me in the end. Now as an adult, I have come more to terms with these issues but that child inside of me won't let me forget.
If you do not face this child within you will never be completely confident. They will constantly follow behind you, whispering all the insecurities you try to forget. What my professor told me next surprised me most. In order to overcome the child, you have to kill them. Yes, it is dark but it makes complete sense. Every day you must overcome the child and remind yourself that you are worth it and you are important. After just one hour my outlook on my insecurities had changed completely. Will my insecurities change overnight? Absolutely not. However, this is a tool I can use every day. I will remind myself that I am worth it and I am important. My professor told me that everyone needs to do self-affirmation every day because most of us focus only on the negative and never the positive. Every single one of us plays a key role in society. As my professor said I am the only Jacque Bratcher and there will never be another person exactly like me. I am here for a purpose. This goes for each and every person in the world.
As Dr. Seuss once said “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” No truer words have ever been said. As you read this please remember that you were put in this world for a reason. You may feel worthless and unneeded at times but believe me when I say someone out there cares about you. You make a difference in at least one person's life, if not, then many more. Every day may be a battle against your child within but please continue on and remember you are important. We are all important. Lastly I'd like to thank you to my professor for taking the time to help me have a new outlook on my own life. It will always be an uphill battle against myself but I now have a new hope that I will appreciate my own self-worth.
