My ex cheated on me last year and after a lot of emotional stress it all eventually led to me breaking up with him. Since then I have met someone else who makes me happier than anyone ever has.
My new boyfriend makes me feel like no one else ever has before and treats me like I am a princess, so I was confused when I found myself constantly feeling as if I wasn't enough or I didn't deserve to be this happy.
After all that deep down I knew that after what I had been through that I deserved to have someone treat me like that and to know what it is like to have some one who truly cares about you, but at the same time something in me felt that I didn't.
After some soul searching I realized that these feeling came from how after I was cheated on I felt like I wasn't good enough for my ex and if I wasn't good enough for him how could I be good enough for someone who is 10 times better than him?
I remember after being cheated on he said it wasn't my fault and that I did nothing wrong but when that happens how could I help but feel like I was the one who drove him to do it.
Was I boring? Did I care too much? Did I get fat or ugly? Could I just not even compare to other girls?
For months I kept asking my self these questions and why he did what he did. I blamed him because clearly he was the one who did the cheating but I also blamed my self for not being enough.
Even when I was with my current boyfriend who told me I was the opposite of all of those things I feared, I still was bothered by it.
It made me fear that the same thing could happen to me again and it made me overly self-conscious of all of my flaws.
It was then when I heard "Be Careful" by Cardi B that I really felt like someone understood what I was going through.
She talked about how it hurt to hate someone who cheated on you but how loving them was even harder.
She talked about how the man who cheated on her, made her look at her self differently than she had before and how she was then in the mindset that she was flawed, due to his inconsistencies and cheating.
This was exactly how I was feeling, except that she also added a message that I hadn't been able to put into my mentality yet.
She had the message that at the end of the day the things that she thinks about herself after the cheating that made her question her self weren't true.
She knows that she did everything right. She treated him good and adored him like no one else.
She knows that he was the one who took all of the good in his life and put it on the line for some random girl who doesn't even love him. Therefore, Cardi doesn't seek revenge or hate and just leaves it up to karma.
Why had I not been able to figure this part of the puzzle out yet and why did it take Cardi B to make me realize my own strength?
I now think it was because I didn't let myself open up to the possibility that I may actually have done nothing wrong and that he was just a guy who simply did not respect me or love me enough.
I now know that I am enough. I am better than what he did and that I can't let it stop me from loving my self.
I need to look forward and not back to realize what I have now.
I have someone that I trust and someone who builds me up rather than helps to tear me down.
I have someone who believes in me and pushes me to be the best I can be while supporting everything I do.
Most importantly though, I have someone that I love and someone who loves me.
And for anyone who has ever been cheated on just know that you ARE worth it and that they were the ones who are messed up. Try and let the anger and the hurt go, because when you finally do you will allow your self to accept who you are and allow your self to be loved.
And to the ones who have cheated on someone, I stand with Cardi when she said, "karma for you is gon' be who you end up with."