We all know someone who is a one-sided conversationalist. You start the conversation with a simple “Hey, what’s up?” and soon you are trapped in a 20-minute long lecture about their sister’s friend’s dog who recently died. And while I am not condoning that you become one of these one-sided conversationalists, I do think there is an important message to be said about wanting to be heard and having the attention to listen.
Over the course of my college career, I have been in a few positions where I have had to “check-in” with my supervisor through a one-on-one meeting. The meetings are relaxed and unintimidating, just two people sitting down to have a conversation and, in a sense, catch up about life. But my supervisors rarely talked about themselves, always insisting that we direct the conversation towards me. At first, I found these conversations to be too long and boring, mostly due to my insufficient desire to open up. But I soon began to look forward to these meetings, excited to have some uninterrupted time to just rant about whatever was on my mind at the time.
I soon realized that these one-sided conversations were almost as important to my relationship with myself as they were for my relationship with my supervisor. It seemed to be the only time in my week that I could run through my ideas or my thoughts out loud and with verbal confirmation from another human. It was nice to affirm my own emotions while still having someone to listen.
During one meeting, I had recently returned to campus after an emotional visit back home. Knowing myself, I thought that I would have had a greater, passionate reaction to what had happened at home, but once I returned to campus I got caught up in classes and work. This left me no time to process my emotions or thoughts. It was not until I sat down for a one-on-one that I had time to outwardly express and think through what I was experiencing. This one-sided conversation gave me room to process on my own terms what I was mentally experiencing.
I also found that conversations with friends could quickly become an interaction void of active listening. If each person is too concerned with their own thoughts or opinions, they are leaving no room to listen. So while two-way interaction is good, sometimes all a person needs is undivided attention.
I was lucky enough to have a supervisor who would sit down for meetings like this, but even if your job does not afford you this opportunity, one-sided conversations can happen with a friend or family member. Set out rules and a time. One partner talks, the other listens. No interruptions, only head nods and clarifying questions. When unprompted, these “one-on-ones” can quickly turn into one person dictating the entire experience, but if you both agree that one person will be the listener while the other talks, it will give power and clarity to the talker.
