Even though the title of this article is supposed to provoke critical thinking over something we all know is inherently wrong, I'm not here to discuss whether bullying should be excused in any way, shape or form. Rather, after years of beating myself up for something that was never my fault to begin with, rationalizing how bullying may have prepared me to handle adult life later on was actually one of the best coping mechanisms I've come across. Every person who's been in that situation knows exactly how terrifying and anxiety-inducing it is to have someone constantly berate you for your physical and mental attributes or whatever condition it is that you, as a child, were unaware of because, if it didn't stand in the way of a healthy life, it shouldn't matter. However, insecurity, lack of parental presence or just an intrinsically strong need to be mean to others can lead children and teenagers to attack their peers, but at what cost?
As a child I was way more heavy-set than I am now, and have struggled with my weight up until I got to college and learned how to finally live a healthy lifestyle with a balanced diet and exercises. Yet, before I reached the point where I became an independent and strong woman who cannot and will not be defined by the size of her waist, I suffered on the hands of immature and mean-spirited classmates. Along with my parents constantly pushing me to lose weight, albeit for health concerns, it was the incessant bullying that drove me over the edge. After losing a significant amount of weight, I kept going - to the point where I then sat on the opposite end of the spectrum - and became too thin. The bottom line is that the behavior I was exposed to as a kid, for being different than the other girls (with their fast metabolisms and no family history of weight problems) and not fitting into the standards most of those rich, white kids wanted me to fall in, all the while it was toxic, forced me to mature faster and understand why I wasn't the problem.
It takes time, surely, to figure out you're not the one to blame for the constant name-calling, locker-shoving, classic middle school behavior, not only because you do feel guilty, but also because most kids are told to cope with the silliest rationalizations. I remember very clearly, the first time I came home crying because some nitwit in the school playground called me a whale and shoved me aside, and instead of being told to ignore him or retaliate in some peaceful, mature manner, I was simply told "oh sweetie, he just has a crush on you and that's his way of showing he likes you". Not only did that confuse the living hell out of my 9-year-old brain, but it also didn't help me solve my problem whatsoever. As I grew older, not only did i understand how incorrect that statement is, but also how terrible it is to tell children that bullying could, somehow, be someone's way of showing affection. Not to mention how most adults would just sigh and say "oh you know, kids are all like that" or the infamous "boys will be boys", which did nothing to help me but rather just excuse the terrible actions of petty, self-centered brats.
I've come to gather that, ultimately, the reason why people bully others is really so they can distract themselves and others from their own insecurities and issues, which was then proven by psychological research and only confirmed what I had known ever since I had insults thrown at me on a daily basis. The moment I transcended from the irrelevant nonsense that was making fun of me, I realized that the reason why I was being bullied was perhaps because I wasn't supposed to fit in to that standard that was being imposed on me and how being different was what made me a better person than them. It wasn't just my weight; it was my quirky personality, my offbeat hobbies and interests, it was the fact that i thought outside of that small minded private school mentality bubble we had all been raised in.
Understanding that what I was being bullied for was actually what I should have been proud of that whole time was my enlightenment. After that, I knew that it was my sense of individuality and own personality that not only made me better than the people who were so focused in making me as miserable as they were, but it also prepared me to become the conscious adult I am today. Being bullied taught me about empathy, pain, acceptance, diversity and how, as different as another person may be to you, it is imperative to always treat them with utmost respect. Going through a childhood and early adolescence of constantly being insulted, either blatantly or by watching others whisper as they stared and giggled at me, wasn't at all fun, but at least I was able to turn it around and have those bad experiences only make me stronger.
I recall thinking up scenarios where all that never happened to me, where all my bullies just happened to disappear from my life and that I could've gone through middle and high school with tranquility and peace. However, had I not gone through all that negativity, I wouldn't have learned how to toughen up my skin and push through the inevitable hardships in life. Yet, that doesn't go to say its the same for every person who's been harassed and pushed around the school yard - some people don't have the circumstances or tools required to try and make a bullying incident into a positive outcome. I was very, very fortunate to be able to rise above all the threats and violence, and today I know that no one should ever have to go through what I did and that, unfortunately, there are people who've had it infinitely worse than I did. Realizing bullying was so beneath me definitely turned me into a more aware, sensitive and caring human being. It made me realize that there is no point in making someone else's life strenuous, despite your own issues and qualms, because, at the end of the day we're all trying to get through life, and that's already hard enough.
