If you've been on social media within the past week, you've probably seen this post that's been going around as of late:
Now, I'm not saying that this particular tactic won't work for some people. And if this is what works for you, I'm not saying that your needs are any less important. And I'm not dismissing your needs. Rather, what I am saying is these steps should not and cannot be applied to every person who suffers from panic attacks. And someone's needs should never be assumed.
Panic attacks are not about you, the observer. They are about the other person, the sufferer. It seems weird to have to point this out but many people get it in their heads that panic attack sufferers need some kind of hero to pull them out of the attack.
Spoiler alert: we do not. Many of us have been dealing with them for years. We know we'll be okay. We know it won't last forever. We don't need you to tell us that.
If someone has a panic attack in front of you, don't assume you know exactly what they need from you. Unless they can tell you while they're in the middle of one (and it's important that you do not ask them directly but rather see if they are able or willing to speak on their own), it's best to stay back and let them work it out on their own. They've most likely been through this many times. They will be okay. And they know this.
And I must reiterate: do not corner them and demand they tell you what they need. Some people will be able to but asking directly can sometimes send someone deeper into one.
If you know that someone suffers from panic attacks, it would be beneficial to talk to them beforehand in a calm moment. Ask them what you can do for them in those moments. And, when they tell you, listen. If they tell you not to touch them, don't. If they tell you they need to be alone, leave. Don't think you know best. Don't think you'll step up, be the hero, and ease them out of an attack faster than they could on their own. If you blatantly ignore their rules, you're just going to make it worse.
I have been suffering from panic attacks for as long as my consciousness has been around. Many days in elementary school started in a bathroom, hyperventilating and throwing up from my failures at breathing. Because of my early experiences with complete panic, I know what I need from other people when I'm in the middle of an attack.
And it's the exact opposite of what is listed in that Tumblr post.
The best thing anyone can do for me is wait. Rub my back slowly and deeply and don't talk. I don't want to be held until after the attack is over. And I will let you know when it's okay to hug me again. And definitely don't tell me "It's going to be okay". Because I know it is but then I get frustrated and more anxious because I'm not and I can't stop. Get me a glass of water and some tissues and let me work it out on my own. It won't last long, I know, and I don't need you to remind me of this.
As much as this post's rules don't apply to everybody, my own rules don't apply to everybody either. There are so many factors that go into each individual experience with anxiety and panic attacks. However, there is one thing that applies to everybody: don't assume.
