Dear Fear,
It is hard to realize that you have taken over my life. I have become an overthinking realist, when only a couple of years ago I always had my head in clouds. Whether it was dreaming and working towards my future career or believing that I would find love like in "The Notebook;" I always looked forward to the future... but then I grew up, as some would say. I got hurt, I failed and I realized things do not turn out the way I want them all of the time. All of this led to you entering my life. I now make decisions that are grounded in anxiety. I have lost passions and I have lost hope.
The mistakes, hurt and realizations I have had in my life should not make you overpower all of my decisions. They are what shaped me and taught me valuable lessons. Without them, I would not have grown and become wiser. I grew up by making mistakes and getting hurt but these obstacles can be used as a guide for me in my future love, career and general life endeavors.
You tell me, “never fall in love” but the wise me says, “give the right man a chance and do not put up a wall because love requires vulnerability.” You need to stop lying to me by telling me that love is not real because it is. It may not be like in the movies -- I realize that now -- but people in real life have great marriages. Of course, there are broken marriages but there are also successful unions that are grounded on similar worldviews, effective communication, the right type of conflict management and, most importantly, genuine love. If I actually give the right man a chance, I will hopefully have a successful marriage. I can take my knowledge gained from past relationship failures and apply it to the next one so that the same mistakes are not made. But in order for that to happen, I must break down the wall. I must get rid of you.
You tell me, “you cannot get the career you want because you are a recent graduate without any experience and no one will ever hire you. Your college degree is worthless and it was the biggest waste of your time.” However, the wise me says “stop acting like an entitled millennial. A college degree does not guarantee a job and yes, you do not have experience but there are other ways. Volunteer in your field, find a mentor, get a job that you may not necessarily want forever but will develop skills that are necessary for your ultimate goal. Lastly, do not be afraid of not getting the job. If you did not get it, it was not yours to have.”
You tell me, “you better have your whole life together in the next year.” The wise me says, “Everything happens on God’s timing. If I am still a college graduate without a job in my career field by the end of the year, that is fine. If I do not have a really nice car by the age of 25, that is fine. If I am not married by the age of 30, that is fine.” I have learned from my failures that they occur because it was not my path to take, so stop making me think I will not be successful if things do not go as planned.
The best person I can be for myself is the person who lives wisely, but not with you, fear, constantly nagging me, so I am letting you go.
Bye
