The loveable character of Butter Stotch is the center of the South Park episode from season 13 titled “Butters’ Bottom Bitch.” This nine-year-old gets his first kiss and decides he is a man now. Essentially the child becomes a pimp and starts making some money. While it is a hilarious concept, none of Butters’ incredibly quotable lines are what I usually think of when the prospect of dating someone comes into my life. It is instead the line of Scott Malkinson, a diabetic boy who gets his first kiss from one of Butters’ “bitches,” that comes to mind. Scott pays his fee, gets his peck on the lips and says “it’s almost like having someone care about you.”
I know there are lots of people who care about me, but coming up on two years of singledom I must say, there is something to Scott’s analysis. When I get to a point where I think it could actually happen, I picture this caricature of childhood diabetes (swollen tongue and all) saying these incredibly depressing words. “Finally.” I tell myself, “someone of the opposite sex to care about me.”
I am yet again finding myself in this prospect situation. Usually, I would be doing everything I could to be what she wants. Remember? Someone to care about me. Guys, something clicked with this one. I am finally being more like Butters. (Okay, in all reality, I strive every day to be half the man Butters is.) Rather than looking at my negative qualities and masking them, I am embracing them for you and hoping that when my shortcomings collide with your array of positive traits, we have something that works. You see, Butters may be a pimp, but he does it with more love and compassion than a lesser man could run a church. He approaches every situation with what he has, acts selflessly and is unapologetically himself.
You know that I overthink everything. My guess would be that everyone reading this will go watch this South Park episode and call me an idiot. You are welcome to do that. This is me being Butters. Unapologetically myself. Keshawn, a fellow pimp who became acquainted with Butters at the Playa’s Ball, summed it up the best when Butters released one of his employees so that the rival pimp could ask his/her hand in marriage. “Thanks, pimp. You just changed the game. That’s what you did.” Thanks, Butters. You just changed the game.
