It's a pretty well-known thing that most people go through an identity crisis at least once in their life (If not, who are you and where I can I get that much self-assurance?). I have gone through several and I am only 20 years old. In fact, I am still going through one.

To begin, this is my face:

I know, I look super pale in this photo.

This is what my biological sister looks like (isn't she beautiful?)

I'm telling she is 100%, my biological sister. Same parents. Born 1 year, 1 month, and 1 week ahead of me. The only thing that we share is our nose shape. Other than that, we do not resemble each other at all.

When we are out in public together, most people think we are friends. While that's true, we also share a bond that is thicker than water: blood.

Over the years. we have joked about people thinking we aren't related. It's become sort of a thing. We secretly laugh at people who ask us things like, "How long have you two been the best of friends?" A good time was had by all, except when it's not.

When we tell people we are biological sisters, there's always this awkward moment. The other person takes a good, long moment to think about all of the possibilities that could lead to use looking so different. Are we half siblings? Was one of us adopted? Usually, they think my sister is because she has darker skin. White people, I swear.

Because of our difference in appearance, we both have very different experiences as we navigate the world. Most people don't look at me twice when I walk through an airport or apply for a job. My sister, on the other hand, has to be the recipient of questions about where she is from (No I know, but, like, where are really from?). Needless to say, people don't berate me about my nationality. But seriously, when I hear about these things later, I want to shake the ignorant person and yell, "MY SISTER IS FROM HERE, MY GOD!!". Ignorance is everywhere.

I walk through life with the privilege of not having to worry about these questions, but also more serious issues. I don't have to worry about being singled out by the TSA at airports. I don't have to worry about being shot by the police. For all they know, I'm just another basic white girl. I know this now and I will work my hardest to never stop being aware of this, as I have a considerable advantage in society over my biological sister (and my step sister, too, as she has darker skin as well).

Of course, I'm not going to deny this privilege. It is very real and very prominent in my life. I know that.

I guess I am a little disappointed that I have no visible ties to my Mexican half, like my sister does. When people see our last name, they feel like it fits more with her appearance than mine. I get strange looks when people read my last name - it's like those "one of these things is not like the other one" games. My sister and I together represent the diversity and difference in our identities. It's like if we were one person, she'd be the Mexican half and I would be the German/Irish half.

The ability that I have to completely navigate society comfortably as if I were white is called many things. Some people call this "light skin privilege", Others will call this "white passing privilege". I use the latter to describe myself because I feel like it fits me better. I do not only have light skin, I have other white features like my light colored eyes.

This I know to be true and I'm learning to be okay with that. Of course, I will always feel like I do not really belong as a white person, but I don't feel like I belong as a person of color either.

This is my struggle, my identity crisis, and I fear it will never end. I will wake up one day as an elderly woman and still feel like this. But I'm learning to be okay with that. It's just a part of who I am.