My grandmother is an immigrant from the Philippines. My mother is half Filipina, half American. I am...a redhead. You'd probably expect someone who looks like me to have roots deep in Ireland or Scotland, but no. I'm a quarter Filipino and, instead of the expected dark brown hair and tan skin, I somehow received fiery scarlet hair and pale white skin. I can barely begin to understand how recessive much of my DNA is. I mean, come on: how many gingers do you see showing their Filipino pride?
But, I'm not going to give you my complete genealogy. In fact, being a partially Filipino redhead was a concept that never really struck me until I was in high school. It came up in my mind from time to time whenever my mom made some pancit or adobo, but the fact that I look white even though I have a dark-skinned ancestry really twisted my mind. Oftentimes I felt alone because it felt like there was no one who could relate, but I simultaneously embraced the uniqueness of my traits. But no matter how I felt, I was and still am an anomaly, a mutation, a glitch in the system of the American melting pot.
As I got older, I watched more and more injustices take headlines in the news. I was shocked to realize that they were everywhere, but even more surprised to find out that they had always been there when I was unaware. Knowing that certain white people still considered people of other colors to be inferior, I felt obliged to stand up and speak out. I wanted to go up to those deranged people and smack the privilege out of them. There simply was one problem with that: I'm white, too. I have privilege that had gone unrecognized this entire time.
What am I supposed to do? Am I not dark enough to defend my Filipino ancestry and other darker-skinned races? Am I not white enough to speak out against the privilege that is still being used as an unfair international advantage? Am I more than the check boxes I fill out simply labeling me as "Caucasian?" I don't have an adequately Filipino appearance to justify being considered mixed race, but I don't have a completely pale-skinned European background.
To this day, I'm still struggling to find my place in an international crowd that loves to qualify other people's ancestries with specific fill-in-the-blanks on standardized exams and employment applications. But, the least that I can do is express my utmost humility while recognizing my privilege. Even though most of my white background is compiled of those who were distinctly below middle class and had to overcome poverty, sickness and depression, I still have to recognize the Japanese attempt to annex the Philippines while my Lola was still in that country. This is what keeps me humble and sympathetic toward all human races.
I sincerely hope that, as the world continues to recognize the need for racial divisions to be washed away, we look beyond appearances and view color not as something to hate and condemn but as a blessing to love and embrace.
