Dear Bully,

I want to start by letting you know that I am not writing this to you on the basis of judgement. However old you are, no matter what you’ve personally been through, or what you are going through at this particular time, it’s okay. I just hope that you read this and understand the message I am hoping you will take from this letter. I am writing this in the pursuit to inform you and in the hope that a change will be brought about by my words.

I’m not sure if it was your intention to hurt anyone by your words or actions, but you did, and you do. Maybe you have been taught to not let words hurt you, taught to “suck it up” when someone says something mean to you. Taught the rhyme of sticks and stones. I know I grew up being taught that. The thing is though, no matter how strong a person seems, no matter what front they show to the world, everyone is hurt at some point in their lives by another's actions or words.

When I was born, I had a huge birthmark on my forehead that was impossible to not notice. In elementary school kids made fun of me because of it. I didn’t care though because I was so young and I had no idea that words could impact a person so much. But, when it came time for me to move to another town and start middle school, I became more conscious about the spot on my forehead. Everyday before school I would put my mom’s makeup over the spot hoping nobody would notice it was there. They didn’t notice my birthmark but they did notice my weight. Again, I was called mean words and was constantly the muse of somebody’s joke. This time it was different though, I cared about how I looked and more importantly I cared about what others thought of me. The names I was called in middle school had the greatest impact on my self worth and they still do. To this day, I still think I’m fat and ugly even though I am neither.

People create a lot of memories in their lives but the memories that are burned into a person's brain forever, the ones that they can recall every detail of what happened are most often the worst memories. I will never know the reasoning behind your cruel words but the reason is merely relevant to the memory you created for someone else. This is why I feel that it is my job and anyone who has gone through such experiences’ job, to inform you of the impact you have.

Today in the United States of America, the number two leading cause of teen death is suicide. Suicide has been to blame for about 4,400 deaths a year in the United States alone and for every successful suicide, there are at least 100 attempts. You might be asking what suicide statistics have to do with you or why I’m telling you this so it is important that you pay attention to what I have to say next. Studies at Yale University have shown that victims of bullying, no matter the kind, are 2-9 times more likely to consider suicide. This might seem like a small influence in one's decision to end their life but it isn’t, especially when considering that nearly 30% of students are either bullies themselves or have been victims of bullying. Not to mention the fact that around 160,000 kids stay home from school each day due to the fear of being bullied. That is 160,000 kids each day who could be 2-9 times more likely to contemplate ending their life, and that makes it a big influence. (Bullying and Suicide)

Bullying creates a lasting psychological impact; not only on the victim but the bully and even observers of bullying. Well beyond the years of being bullied, victims can experience anxiety and depression affecting their emotional outlook. According to the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress, the impact of emotional harm compared to physical harm is much more lasting. Dr. Mark Dombeck of the Academy explains “ Bullying is an attempt to instill fear and self-loathing. Being the repetitive target of bullying damages your ability to view yourself as a desirable, capable and effective individual,...” This incapability to see oneself as as a capable individual makes it especially difficult when they are going through a rough time, where perseverance is needed. (Steele)

Much like the lasting effects on the subjects of bullying, bullies themselves often find themselves unhappy in their adult life. Individuals who indulged in bullying behavior as adolescents are more likely to develop an antisocial personality disorder. However, those who have bullied and been bullied suffer some of the worst consequences for their behavior. In fact, after continuing into adulthood these victims/bullies were found to be at a greater risk for suicidality than those who were purely victims. These individuals also have the highest levels of depression, anxiety and panic disorder. This combined nature is proved to be very harmful and is packed with lasting consequences. (Steele)

There are still many misconceptions about the link between bullying and suicide in adolescents. This is because bullying is often not the only cause in a person's fatal decision. As is stated on the website StopBullying.gov “Although kids who are bullied are at risk of suicide, bullying alone is not the cause. Many issues contribute to suicide risk including depression, problems at home, and trauma history. Bullying can make an unsupportive situation worse.” This is an extremely important point to make concerning the link between the two. Most likely a bully is unaware of what their victim is going through in their personal lives and being a contributing factor to the person’s possible death is in a way criminal. (Aspa)

Now knowing this information I urge you to think about your actions from here on out. I ask you this for the sake of others but also for the sake of yourself. Forget the nursery rhyme that you may have heard countless times in your life. Instead, remember this: sticks and stones may break my bones but words will hurt forever. I ask you to not push someone closer to the edge of the cliff they are standing on because for all you know it might be that last inch left. Do not be the reason someone stays home from school or hides away in the bathroom for lunch. Minimizing another person until they feel they are worthless and have no other option but to take their own life is a guilt you could carry forever. Being a bully is not the legacy you want and it doesn’t have to be the one you obtain. Change is possible in anyone and this change now can help you in your adult life. Please, consider your words and their weight before you say them and think before you act.

Sincerely,

A victim who survived