Someone once said to me, "If you dream about me, make sure I save the world."
It made me think of the times I had been in relationships, and how whoever I was dating felt like a dream, they became the hero of my world.
And that is a mistake.
We aren't supposed to do that, we aren't supposed to lose who we are. We should never have to give up our identities for someone else. Allowing them to be the heroes of our dreams, while we stand on the sidelines. Maybe you've experienced a breakup or a divorce even, and it's painful. It might not have been a real relationship, only a potential one.
That doesn't make it any less painful.
It hurts especially for those of us who feel so deeply, who care so much and put others feelings and emotions before our own.
When someone you admire likes you back, but they aren't willing to commit to you, they can't even utter the word "commitment."
They are only willing to do life on their terms, no real commitment that says "I chose you," but rather a friendship, with benefits.
But you admire their affection so much you're willing to compromise your own boundaries and terms.
We lose ourselves to these kinds of things, jumping all in for someone who wouldn't even put their foot in for us. Not allowing distance to get in the way, knowing you'd circle the earth for them, but they wouldn't be willing to drive a mile for you. It's hurtful.
It makes us think, we aren't worth it, we're not good enough, and we ultimately didn't make the cut.
Knowing someday, somewhere, they'll fall in love, have a family, and settle down, but you were never going to be that person. The person they'd love no matter what, because you, you were just convenient for a time. You weren't forever.
But you know we don't always want to hear that time heals all wounds, that things will get better, and this is a natural part of life. One day we'll meet someone else.
But no one else will be them.
They'll never be standing there holding our hands anymore, it's just us.
It's like the final page of a book, we know in our minds it's the end. But it's the end that reminds us of the story. Of all that came before, and the painful reality that the unforgettable tale of your love has been forgotten.
We can feel outraged and seek revenge, or cry ourselves to sleep, but what will that do? what will that solve?
The most heartbreaking reality isn't even the loss of the person you were with, but the loss of yourself. The loss of your time, your energy, and your heart. That's not to say it'll never come back, or that it's gone forever. But pain can feel like forever, and your pain at this moment is your forever. (For now.)
