31 days ago, I laid on the couch with my head in my mom's lap, crying, wondering what I did to deserve this. Wondering what I did that made me deserve a heartbreak like this. Wondering what I was going to do with myself now that I no longer had the boy I thought was the love of my life by my side.
21 days ago, I laid on the couch with my head in my mom's lap, crying, wondering what I did to deserve this. Wondering what I did that made me deserve being replaced. Wondering how someone who said he loved me just ten days before could already find a new girl to give that same love to.
16 days ago, I sat on the couch with my mom, no longer crying, realizing this may stink now, but it won't forever. Realizing my heart may be broken now, but it won't be forever. Realizing this breakup may be the end of an era, but it will not be the end of my life.
This day is when I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered how I could be happy as he was. How could I get back to the happy I was when I was with him? Then I wondered, "was I ever really happy?" At this moment it hit me that I was not happy now, and I hadn't been in a long time.
I spent the last year of my life with my boyfriend and while we had some great times, we also had some pretty bad ones. We argued constantly and more often than not it ended with tears and no real solution to the problem. Our anxieties were constantly battling one another, and we were at odds with each other almost all the time. I spent a year walking on eggshells because I felt everything I did was going to upset him and I didn't want to add more to the problems we already had.
15 days ago, I came to the realization that I deserve to be happy again. I deserve to be the bubbly college student I once was, not the girl that stays in every night because her boyfriend didn't want her to go out. I realized I had every right to go out with my friends whenever I wanted, and no one could tell me different. I realized that I no longer wanted to be held down by someone who was trying to "protect" me when in reality he was just trying to keep me from realizing how miserable I was.
Thirty days ago, I felt like my life was ending. I didn't think I would ever bounce back from this breakup. I felt like I would never be happy again until I realized this was my opportunity to be happy again. My breakup felt like it was the end of my life when in reality it was the opposite. This is a fresh start for me and I am finally able to be the happy girl I used to be.
