“Is it OK to sometimes be shy? Yes, of course. The point is, that being that way all the time and using it as an excuse to never be the opposite of shy is not good. It's not good for your life, your interactions, strength of character and how diverse and interesting you can be. You are more than shy. Don't be labeled. Be what you wanna be in any given moment. And do what works, not what you think you are,” Matthew Hussey

Hussey's words perfectly convey what I was doing and what I needed to realize in order to make a change. In high school I was horribly timid and awkward. Loneliness stemmed as a result from that and there had been plenty of times where I felt that I was alone even among the company of friends. Talking to girls was an ordeal and my nervousness would overcome me to the point where I wouldn't say anything in fear of spurting out something stupid or unimportant. Don't even get me started on class presentations or speeches. On a day where I was due to present, I carried an awful feeling of dread throughout the day until it was over with, and I would always sign up for one of the last spots with the wild hope that maybe my presentation would get pushed back to the next day. When my turn finally came, my face would turn more red than a sunburned tomato and my hands would shake so much that I could barely read the paper I was holding if I had one.

In addition to all of these things, my self-esteem and confidence were very low; I thought of myself as a bland picture on the wall, only occasionally being noticed but disregarded because something had knocked my position askew. I never reached out, I never did anything crazy or memorably exciting. I just went through my daily routine, did my homework, went to sports practices and came home to be the same old, timorous, awkward me. I talked to people if they said something to me first, but usually responses were short, and prolonged eye-contact was a foreign concept to me.

This carried on throughout all of high school and it barely improved, even during my senior year. If anything I got better at masking it, I don't think that very many people even had any idea what I was going through because I rarely talked about it. I was the piñata, and my timidity was the papier-mâché, I knew there was a good personality inside me, but it needed to be forced out at times in order for others to see.

Now, I knew that I couldn't continue going about life like that, the vicious cycle of feeling sorry for myself and being furious with myself for wallowing in prosaic affliction. I lost innumerable hours of sleep at night because of my thoughts running wild when I was feeling lonely or distressed. A change needed to happen, but I didn't know where to begin.

I think what I really had been longing for all along was a fresh start, new people, a scenery and routine, a clean slate. College definitely gave me that opportunity and I knew that I couldn't pass it up. From my orientation day onward, I made it a goal for myself to talk to more people that I didn't know well or hadn't met before. I forced myself to join organizations and clubs, or to speak up in class even when I wasn't sure if my answer was right or not. I even joined part of an evangelism and outreach group, which involves walking up to complete strangers and asking them if they would like to have a conversation about life, purpose, and faith! Uncomfortable as it all was at first, it steadily became much easier for me, I never would have imagined how much progress that I would be making before I had even tried.

I'm not a super outgoing person now who always wants to be in the limelight and is the life of the party. No, the change certainly was not that drastic, but it didn't need to be and it shouldn't be. I've, in essence, reinvented my shyness. I can still be a bit hard to break down at first, but once you do get to know me, I will open up quite comfortably. I still enjoy having plenty of alone time, to think, and to write as I'm doing now. But I no longer shelter myself away, I no longer feel as if nobody enjoys my presence, and I no longer hide from people and opportunities.

I can truly say that I am changed for the better, and in the end, your attitude and outlook on life really do make a tremendous difference. Keep your head up. Reach out. Be bold. Take a risk. Reevaluate yourself. But most importantly, don't be afraid to be who you are meant to be.