Real talk.

I am not petite and skinny. The current six-pack I currently have is the one of pudding in my refrigerator. When I run, my thighs jiggle, and I have some rolls when I bend over (FYI, everyone does). I carry a majority of my weight in my lower body, my chest looks like a middle schooler's, and my stomach is just...there, I guess? I have a normal body, but by judging the massive Victoria's Secret poster I walk past every time I go to the mall, that doesn't seem to be good enough. My body will not be featured as "goals" on social media platforms. Girls will not look at my body and whisper to each other how much they envy me, and I will not meet the guidelines for the ideal "summer body", whatever that actually means. While my body is not "perfect", it is healthy. I eat a variety of different foods, exercise on an almost daily basis, and treat my body with respect. When I think of where I am now, I cannot forget where I came from.

There's no weight requirement or age limit for an eating disorder, it can happen to anyone; it happened to me. I grew up a lot faster than my friends, so I was always the "bigger" one who stood out, and I failed to recognize the beauty in my uniqueness. I used to think my body was the enemy, and so I hated it. I would "forget" to feed it, overwork it during intensive workouts, anxiously hide it behind the comfort of baggy clothing, and avoided pool parties at all cost. I would stand in front of the mirror and stare at myself, pointing out every single flaw until it mentally exhausted me. As I mistreated my body more, I felt worse. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't focus in class over the fear that my stomach would growl too loud. I couldn't stand not eating anything for the entire day, and then stuffing my face at 3 a.m. in exchange for promising I wouldn't eat anything for the next two days except celery sticks. I couldn't look my mother in the eye when she would have to sit down and make sure I ate the entire dinner. I couldn't love myself. Should anyone feel this way? Is this the right way to live? Absolutely not. With that being said, it wasn't just me feeling this way. I will never be the only one who felt like this, because too many others fall into the same situation, and it needs to end now.

According to the National Eating Disorders Association, 35-57% of adolescent girls engage in crash dieting, fasting, self-induced vomiting, diet pills, or laxatives. Over one-half of teenage girls and nearly one-third of teenage boys use unhealthy weight control behaviors such as skipping meals, fasting, smoking cigarettes, vomiting, and taking laxatives. 81% of ten-year-olds are afraid of being fat. Do these statistics scare you? Do they make you question what we are exposing our youth to? If I gave you my journal from 2011, what do you think you would find? Would you expect this?

I claim to be very fat, overweight, unhealthy, and ugly. A size large for Hollister clothing apparently meant that I had eaten one too many meals, and needed to slim down immediately. Goodness, Isabella, you were so blind. I always felt ashamed to open up to family and friends, because I saw their concerns as a threat. Nobody understood how unhappy I was, and I didn't understand what I know now. So, I'll ask you. Do I look fat? Do I look unhealthy? Do I look unhappy?

Didn't think so. It's all in my head. This picture was taken a few months after that entry, and I hated it because I thought I looked fat, and the fact that I thought that in the first place makes me angry at my own ignorance. The only way to overcome this was to look at my problem straight in the eye and confront it. If I could ever go back in time to myself in that picture, I would give myself a hug and have a really, really long talk. I would tell myself that it genuinely does not matter what I look like, as long as I am healthy and happy. I would tell myself that the boy who would be my boyfriend about a year later was not interested in the size of my waist, but the size of my heart. I would tell myself that it's okay to have fitness and health goals, but that there is a right way to do it, as opposed to not eating for an entire week and hoping for a miracle. Most importantly, I would tell myself that I was born into this beautiful and strong body, and I had to take care of it, because it's the only one I'm going to get in this life.

One of the biggest struggles was comparing myself to others. I did it the wrong way, because I never gave myself a chance to accept what I had. So if there is anything that I want you to take away from this, it's to accept yourself. So what if you don't look like the photoshopped model on the cover of the magazine? Nobody does! So what if you are bigger than you friends? So what if you are smaller? So what if you were a late bloomer or an early bloomer, or you just haven't gotten there yet? Everyone grows at a different rate.

The body-shaming needs to stop, regardless of what you look like. Is being physically attractive and beautiful the only thing there is to accomplish in life? There is so much more to who you are. Intelligence, humor, creativity, talent, passion, and so many other things make you special. The media says that a big butt and perky boobs are sexy, but honestly, there's nothing sexier than confidence, if that's what you're looking for. We are all unique, and that is beautiful in itself.

Finally, you are important. If you have extra weight, you are important. If you are naturally thin, you are important. If you have an athletic build, you are important. If you have stretch marks or cellulite, you are important. If you are reading this right now, you are important. You are all special. You all matter. You all deserve to love yourselves. So go, eat the cupcake. Enjoy it.