Breaking Hearts And Bones

Breaking Hearts And Bones

Dating violence.
9
views

Dear you,

You know who you are and I won't slander your name by putting it in here. You royally messed up my life, but this isn't a letter written in anger it is an letter written in truth. I spent far too many years dedicated to someone who would rather hit me than hit on me. You were someone who would degrade me instead of build me up. Your name is screamed in the back of my head every time someone goes to put their arm around me and I flinch. A flash of your face appears in my memory every time someone raises their arms around me and I cower. You are the reason why I am labeled "victim" instead of survivor by people who don't understand.

According to Women Helping Women, one third of high school students will be involved in an abusive relationship - whether that be verbal, emotional, sexual or physical. Congratulations, you allowed to me to enter this elite group of people. Notice how I said people? Yes, we're still people. We were victimized, but we are not victims. If that statistic wasn't horrifying enough, the article further states that "only 33 percent of teens who were in an abusive relationship told anyone." It wasn't until much later that I became part of this group.

Generally in middle and high school people are breaking each other's hearts, not their bones. They are not bruising and fracturing ribs over misunderstandings. Hands are not crushed between desks for no reason. Things like that aren't supposed to happen. Little girls are not supposed to be left to wonder what they did to deserve that treatment. They are not supposed to be forced to stay on the phone all night instead of sleeping. They are not supposed to reread novel length text messages instead of eating searching for the love they so deeply crave, searching for a reason to hold on. Ideations of suicide being strongly considered as their only option out. That is not right.

It is years later and I am still struggling trying to believe what the Joyful Heart Foundation put so eloquently, "Domestic violence is a crime rooted in power and control - it is never 'caused' by making someone angry or upset. It is never justifiable or excusable, nor is it ever the fault of the survivor. All people deserve to be in healthy and loving relationships free of violence."

It is years later and I am still wondering why we couldn't be a normal couple. I wonder why breaking my heart wasn't good enough for you, why did you have to break my bones and sense of security too?

Sincerely,

A survivor, not a victim

Cover Image Credit: Quotes gram

Popular Right Now

​An Open Letter To The People Who Don’t Tip Their Servers

This one's for you.
1488550
views

Dear Person Who Has No Idea How Much The 0 In The “Tip:" Line Matters,

I want to by asking you a simple question: Why?

Is it because you can't afford it? Is it because you are blind to the fact that the tip you leave is how the waiter/waitress serving you is making their living? Is it because you're just lazy and you “don't feel like it"?

Is it because you think that, while taking care of not only your table but at least three to five others, they took too long bringing you that side of ranch dressing? Or is it just because you're unaware that as a server these people make $2.85 an hour plus TIPS?

The average waiter/waitress is only supposed to be paid $2.13 an hour plus tips according to the U.S. Department of Labor.

That then leaves the waiter/waitress with a paycheck with the numbers **$0.00** and the words “Not a real paycheck." stamped on it. Therefore these men and women completely rely on the tips they make during the week to pay their bills.

So, with that being said, I have a few words for those of you who are ignorant enough to leave without leaving a few dollars in the “tip:" line.

Imagine if you go to work, the night starts off slow, then almost like a bomb went off the entire workplace is chaotic and you can't seem to find a minute to stop and breathe, let alone think about what to do next.

Imagine that you are helping a total of six different groups of people at one time, with each group containing two to 10 people.

Imagine that you are working your ass off to make sure that these customers have the best experience possible. Then you cash them out, you hand them a pen and a receipt, say “Thank you so much! It was a pleasure serving you, have a great day!"

Imagine you walk away to attempt to start one of the 17 other things you need to complete, watch as the group you just thanked leaves, and maybe even wave goodbye.

Imagine you are cleaning up the mess that they have so kindly left behind, you look down at the receipt and realize there's a sad face on the tip line of a $24.83 bill.

Imagine how devastated you feel knowing that you helped these people as much as you could just to have them throw water on the fire you need to complete the night.

Now, realize that whenever you decide not to tip your waitress, this is nine out of 10 times what they go through. I cannot stress enough how important it is for people to realize that this is someone's profession — whether they are a college student, a single mother working their second job of the day, a new dad who needs to pay off the loan he needed to take out to get a safer car for his child, your friend, your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother, you.

If you cannot afford to tip, do not come out to eat. If you cannot afford the three alcoholic drinks you gulped down, plus your food and a tip do not come out to eat.

If you cannot afford the $10 wings that become half-off on Tuesdays plus that water you asked for, do not come out to eat.

If you cannot see that the person in front of you is working their best to accommodate you, while trying to do the same for the other five tables around you, do not come out to eat. If you cannot realize that the man or woman in front of you is a real person, with their own personal lives and problems and that maybe these problems have led them to be the reason they are standing in front of you, then do not come out to eat.

As a server myself, it kills me to see the people around me being deprived of the money that they were supposed to earn. It kills me to see the three dollars you left on a $40 bill. It kills me that you cannot stand to put yourself in our shoes — as if you're better than us. I wonder if you realize that you single-handedly ruined part of our nights.

I wonder if maybe one day you will be in our shoes, and I hope to God no one treats you how you have treated us. But if they do, then maybe you'll realize how we felt when you left no tip after we gave you our time.

Cover Image Credit: Hailea Shallock

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

13 Thoughts About Transferring To A New College

I have been asking myself if I should stay or go to a different school.

18
views

I have asked myself the question, "Should I transfer?", so many times. Don't get me wrong, I like NC State and all. However, I'm not entirely in love with it. In some ways, I don't really feel like I belong here because of the environment I'm in. Everything is 'go, go, go' and there's never a time to breathe and take in everything. Maybe it's because of my personality and all but I have tried to give it my all into trying to partake in the college experience. I mean, I have been justifying why I should just stick to NC State out for the entire four years. Then, I have those thoughts that I should transfer.

1.  College applications round two.

2. It's a hassle getting everything organized to transfer to a different school.

3. Money.

4. Will I even like the school that I transfer to? 

5. You have to start over and make new friends.

6. Maybe I'll grow to love NC State.

7. It feels so lonely here even though there are over 30,000 students.

8. I work better in a small environment.

9. I don't have a lot of friends.

10. It's so much harder to get opportunities here.

11. NC State doesn't have the major that I want.

12. My sister is going to be even farther away from me when she goes to college.

13. I feel like a freak sometimes because of my introverted self.


I might not be able to change my thoughts and the way I am but these two semesters has given me the opportunity to see if I want to stay. I don't have an answer yet but give me next year and I'll give you one.

Related Content

Facebook Comments