The complexity of loneliness can be like sitting in a fun house of mirrors. Every direction you turn is a reflected image of yourself; isolated and alone. It is easy to embrace the theory that this is your truth because it stands there before you, staring aimlessly back in your direction.
Finding our way out from the maze begins with curiosity and courage. It is first coming to terms with the fact that our own self critic supports the distorted perception that we are isolated and alone by listing every possible reason for OUR dysfunction.
Words can be casted out like curses, changing our core belief and perceptions about ourselves. We convince ourselves that we are not pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, witty enough, wealthy enough, creative enough or talented enough to be liked, accepted or chosen.
Although the insecurity within ourselves may have first originated by an earlier life experience, we continue to validate the unhealthy attachments associated with the emotions behind the initial experience by cultivating those insecurities as truth. It is at this point that we come to realize that we are our strongest culprit of loneliness. It is through self judgment and condemnation that we hold ourselves captive to the idea that we are flawed, thereby we are lonely. With a strong perception of unworthiness within us, we come to realize that loneliness is not an 'isolated' experience; hence the feelings of loneliness while in a crowd.
If we fixate our attention on the reflection of ourselves glaring back at us in the fun house of mirrors, we become a prisoner of time and the mirage set before us. The reflected image is not our truth, but instead is the ghostly echo of the past and how we have perceived ourselves as helpless and imprisoned. By submerging ourselves within the recalled emotion of the original experience, we lose touch with the reality that the experience is just a memory and we are now free to choose differently. We have the power and the freedom to change the conditioning of past experiences and embrace a new and healthy perspective.
By fixating our attention on the isolated reflection, we overlook the emotions that fuel the self inflicted verbal abuse, by which becomes another verdict added on to our life sentencing. All the while, we have played judge, jury, defendant and prosecutor and wonder why our loneliness seems to be an opened and shut case.
The emotions behind the original experience generates the web of deceit we spin around ourselves. Courage is the key to freedom as we awaken from the trance of habitual pattern. It is in the power of movement that we find our strength to move forward and out, choosing freely to pioneer an uncharted path and fearing not what lies before us.
First, we must have courage to relinquish the story of loneliness and delve deeper to face the emotions hidden beneath the surface; undesirable feelings that may in fact be uncomfortable to come to terms with. Grant ourselves a pardoning or probation while exploring all evidence of unworthiness. Recall the earliest memory of rejection and isolation and visualize yourself as an innocent and vulnerable child experiencing this rejection and isolation. Notice the feelings that rise up within you. They are much different than that of the victim. You may have felt the courage of a protector stir within you. With that courage, sit and establish a case for your own defense as to why the inner child deserves protection from your inner critic.
To overcome loneliness, we must first befriend ourselves. Friendship does not come easily to those who lack the ability to trust, therefore we cannot establish a rapport within ourselves by tearing ourselves apart with harsh words and unjustifiable accusations. Begin to build a new and healthy relationship with yourself by seeing yourself in the light of an innocent child and speak out the new truth you have established through your defense case in the paragraph above. Take note of the emotional sensations you now feel within your body as you speak compassionate and supportive words to yourself as opposed to the feelings noted when tapping into emotions of isolation and rejection farther implemented by the inner critic.
Once you have silenced the inner critic, you will find that your attention is no longer on the reflection, but instead is now on the path leading to freedom and empowerment.
