Accepting your feelings of loneliness | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Featured

The Power Of Loneliness

growing up with a sick mind.

6606
The Power Of Loneliness

I could walk into a room with my closest friends and family and laugh all night but still feel as if I was by myself in a dark corner in a room I didn’t know. My phone could be blowing up with notifications and text messages but I’d still feel as if everyone forgot about me. It’s hard growing up and faking your happiness. At some point it’s hard to determine which is real or not.

My mind is sending out the wrong signals and it’s hard for me to escape. I shut down and push the ones I love away, not on purpose anyway. At times I often thought about what would happen if I just disappeared, if one day I staged it to look like I was kidnapped or just walked off into the night. I feel so happy until I don’t, until i’m alone with all of my thoughts.

They say life gets harder after you graduate because when you live the way I have been, you grow up thinking there’s no way you’ll make it to 20. So, you make no plans; no future goals. Now we’re stuck in this transition period we didn’t know we’d have to deal with.

My feelings of loneliness have pushed me away from putting myself out there, from smiling by myself; learning how to love myself. I always resort to feeling as if it is my fault. My whole life I assumed people just didn’t want anything to do with me, that any words that came out of my mouth were unnecessary.

I started to use guys to fill the loneliness in my brain. A different guy, a different week. I couldn’t stand to hangout with myself or be alone for more than a few minutes. I would waste my time away with meaningless flirting and stupid conversations. Throwing myself into any relationship I could because if I was alone, it meant I was not good enough. I can’t remember a time I didn’t have a boyfriend in high school, afraid to be seen sitting alone at lunch or in the hallways. Afraid of the whispers or the laughs, I’d act as if I didn’t care but there were days I’d eat in the bathroom to avoid someone, anyone seeing me alone.

I would put up a front and pretend I didn’t have any feelings. Pretend I did have feelings for most people too just so I wouldn’t have to sit in a classroom and have nobody want to be my partner. My self esteem was so low I resorted to doing things I wouldn’t write in a auto biography. High school ended and my feelings about myself and everyone around me have yet to end.

I still felt the need to surround myself with anyone just so I wouldn’t have to be alone for a minute. Loneliness is such a powerful feeling and could consume you. When the truth is I had never felt so lonely, surrounded by so many people.

By accepting the way I feel, the signals my brain sends out; I’ve learned how to push my thoughts behind. Spending time with myself I’ve realized how much I am my only friend in every way. I am lonely, and that is okay.

Report this Content
Vivien Leigh
Revelist

I've lived a whole 21 years with an RBF (Resting Bitch Face), so naturally, I go through most of these struggles on a daily basis.

And before you ask, yes I'm fine. No, I'm not mad. This is just my face, so take it or leave it! To those of you who have been #blessed with an RBF, you'll probably relate to these more than you'd like to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

Iconic Duos: Timeless Legends

From Luke and Leia to Beyonce's twins...

774549
Luke and Leia from Star Wars, a iconic duo
Lucasfilm

“Name a more iconic duo... I'll wait." OK, well, if you insist. In no particular order, here's a list of 100 iconic duos that seem to be timeless.

SEE MORE: This Is The ICONIC Disney Sidekick You Are To Your BFF, According To Your Zodiac Sign

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

A Candid Letter to My Best Friends Ex

Because this is the real form of torture you deserve.

470
middle finger
Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

What's up Asshat,

I've composed a list of things that I wish upon you, and they're harsh and cruel. These things are things that I wouldn't wish upon my worst of enemies, not even that Starbuck's barista who always screws up my order, not even him. You fall into a whole other category of hate. You surpass Starbucks barista. Congratulations, I'm actually a pretty nice person, making you worthy of every single bit of torture I wish upon you. What are these things I wish upon you you might ask?

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

College Life: As Told By Bob's Burgers

If there's anyone who understand the struggles of college, it's the Belcher family

1120
Bob's Burgers

College is a time of gaining independence, exploring new things, and copious amounts of Netflix. If you're like me, you often find yourself laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of the situations you find yourself in. Here are ten times Bob's Burgers accurately captured college life.

1. What you're pretty sure your upstairs neighbors do at 3am every morning.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Why Theater Kids Are the Greatest People Ever

Supportive and spontaneous human beings are the best.

847
Theater Kids

Throughout school, the theater department has always been my go-to place with go-to people when I need advice, a dance party, or just someone to listen to me vent.

You never know what's going to happen when you're dealing with theatre or what kind of characters you'll encounter. We have too much fun doing anything! One time in my senior year acting class, we spent an entire class period watching Bob's Burgers, and it was the greatest class period ever.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments