I'm not perfect and I never will be, no matter how hard I try. I've made mistakes that could've been avoided but like I've said many times, I don't regret anything. Much like my friend, Caleb, there was a time in my life where I was a "fuckboy" in today's terminology. Am I proud of it? Not at all. I went through a really bad break up with my then girlfriend of nearly two years. She did some unexplainable things, and played victim but it's okay because I know there was times in our relationship when I wasn’t the best boyfriend I could possibly be. I will take fault in my mistakes.
Breakups are a difficult thing to surpass especially when you are still trying to find yourself. I know when I went through my own I couldn't cope and I used and manipulated close to 50 girls in a span of a month and a half. (That's really bad, I know). I didn't know how to deal with my pain and anguish because it was all new to me, but I got to a point where I was even scaring myself and I just couldn't hurt these women anymore. I realized that I wouldn't want my own daughter to meet the same type of guy I was becoming so I apologized, and broke it off with any and everybody. I put myself in a place of solitude and for a period of 78 months, I just dealt with my feelings and everything I tried to escape.
That's what I want to help others with today: Coping with a breakup and becoming a better person after it. I don't want anybody to jump from partner to partner trying to find the love they've lost. I don't want anybody breaking the hearts of innocent individuals that had to feel your wrath because of someone else's mistakes. No, I want to help everybody one person at a time. The quicker we deal with ourselves and become better individuals and love ourselves, the better the relationships will become. Maybe in our generation we can cut down divorce rates, increase the duration of marriages, or at least prevent the spread of pain because of another.
I'm going to share three ways to cope with a break up. Even if you read this article and someone else doesn't, use your newly acquired knowledge and share it with them if they need it. Be a positive influence.
Method #1: Begin to redirect your love and attention to those who need it.
You have so much time, love,and effort that you probably forgot to let the ones closest to you know that you care and love them. Give back to your community, go help the poor learn to generate happiness in others. Get to a place of solitude, distance yourself. Don't jump from person to person trying to find peace in the comfort of someone else flesh. You need to get by yourself and learn what it's like to be alone again. Then, you need to review your relationship; don't blame them for all that they did wrong, but find the light in all their darkness because there was once a time you would dismiss their mistakes so don't judge them for them now because you guys are no longer together. Figure out all your mistakes in the relationship. Realize what you could've done better; take even your greatest assets and perfect them. You have to realize nobody is perfect and no matter how much you don't want to admit it but you, yourself aren't perfect either. You've probably did things that you probably shouldn't have. Don't shift all the blame on someone else because you're afraid to face your mistakes because you don't want to look in the mirror and see your own ugliness.
Method #2: Going a step further, you need to learn to love yourself and all you do.
Your imperfections, your flaws, your greatest traits, all of it; you need to get to a point where you are completely comfortable with who you are and who you're becoming. Find yourself, learn who you really are. Don't try to change who you are to appease someone else tastes, be you. You have to love yourself. Don't beat yourself up for your mistakes because you learn your best lessons through mistakes. Don't beat yourself up because they didn't appreciate you or they said you were ugly or they treated you poorly. Once you learn to become completely comfortable with yourself, no one will be able to shred your confidence. You are what you attract. If you're aspiring to be great you will find people along the same lines. If you're comfortable with yourself then whoever you love next will learn to be comfortable with you and it will all be natural and a real love. You can't be mediocre and expect greatness.
Method #3: Lastly, be patient.
Don't try to force things with people, find out what's best for you moving forward. What you need in your life to make sure you continue to grow. You don't want somebody that's going to hinder your progress. You need to learn how to be independent and learn how to make yourself happy. Make a list of everything you want but don’t make it excessive or extreme, get the basics. You don’t need an overly handsome man, or a girl with a “bangin’ body." You need someone that makes your weaknesses their strengths. Someone that makes you strong. Someone that supports and is able to get you out of any funk that you may be going through. Stop falling victim to the eyes and these words. Breakups are hard, you’re going to want to go back to that person because you spent so much time with them, because they know you all so well, but you have to stop fearing change and stop allowing yourself to suffer. Learn to let go, to love yourself, what being alone feels alike. Be comfortable in your own skin. Remember that you are strong and can do anything that you set your mind to, so don’t let a break up prevent you from becoming great.
