Six months ago, if you told me I wouldn't be speaking to the girl who, at the time, I assumed I would one day marry, I would've screamed. This girl was all-encompassing, an absolute beauty and a charmer, as well. The thing is, when someone is so intertwined with another, they begin to lose who they are.
No amount of beauty and charm could've made us work. Looking back now, I don't hate her. I did for awhile, but she is a nice girl. A nice girl who was not meant for me, no matter how hard I tried.
She left on Christmas Eve, not the most elegant way to go, but alas it's how she did. I didn't stay home a single night that week. I saw all of my friends and family in a desperate attempt to avoid being lonely--this did not work. I saw people I hadn't spoken to in months and called my mom more times that week than I had in the past year. But in all honesty, I was a wreck.
I won't lie to you; it wasn't pretty. I didn't sleep in my bed and I woke up crying quiet a bit.
But somewhere in this process, I learned quite a lot about myself. For example, I really like reading. Simple and solemn. I enjoy reading alone. I never had time for that before. I like to work out and skateboard, and I like to make smoothies. I lost the weight I wanted, learned new tricks, and found out mangos are really freaking good.
I realized I have interests that don't involve her; that, contrary to my prior beliefs, she is not the only thing that makes me happy. I made more friends that month than I have my entire high school career. I went to three concerts and tried 27 coffee and pizza shops. I got closer to my friends, and my best friend, and I made more memories than I could tell you.
See, when she broke up with me, I learned two people are suppose to be in love, not made into one. I drove myself mad trying to figure out why she just didn't appreciate my music or why she liked baths so much.
What I learned was this: not everyone you love is good for you. Just because the girl with a breathtaking smile listens to your past and doesn't scream when you cry, doesn't mean she's the one.
Loving someone doesn't mean needing them. As a human being, you don't need a romantic partner at all. That's not to say they're not great to have, but you should never need someone to love you for you to love you. What you really need is some friends to drive around poorly singing (more accurately screaming) your favorite songs, a good pizza shop, something to do to make you happy, and a belief it can get better.
Six months ago, I never would've thought she would be gone and I would be fine. But I'm so much better than fine. I'm the most happy I've ever been.
