Everyone knows how hard a break up is. Having to say goodbye to someone who, at one time, completed you can be heart wrenching and earth shattering, not to mention how potentially awkward it is having to divide up your social lives like divorcees in a bitter custody battle. The late nights spent replaying old memories of them or the days spent wondering where everything went wrong can take an emotional toll on a person and to put it bluntly, breakups just suck.
But what about if you were never in an "official" relationship in the first place? For those of us who never quite make it into official relationship territory, having to break up with someone who we only ever dated in our heads can be just as hard as breaking up with a real person and comes with its own set of unique obstacles.
If I had the energy to write a book, it would be a self-help book entitled “So You’ve Broken You Own Heart by Romanticizing Someone Who Will Never Love You.” It’s a working title, but I can assure you that I am more than qualified to write this book. The human imagination is a wild and cruel mistress, and often has no problem taking a simple infatuation and convincing you that a once harmless crush is now the love of your life, even if they don’t know it yet.
The fear of rejection, coupled with an overactive imagination can also be a deadly combination which feeds on the absence of the other person and fills in the gaps in imaginary relationships with one-sided feelings of longing and unhealthy personal attachment. It can even be intoxicating to have an imaginary relationship because they always play out exactly how you want them too, because they’re made up.
However, there comes a time when you can no longer satiate yourself by checking their twitter every 30 minutes or imagining what their hand would feel like in yours. Reality sets in and you feel even more alone than you did before. Even Frank Ocean said “it’s a bad religion, being in love with someone who could never love you,” and wow, was he right. Chasing the idea of someone and receiving no affection in return hurts, and is ultimately detrimental to mental health. And accepting that someone might never be able to reciprocate your love for them is hard, but when there’s nothing left for you to hold on to, it might be time to consider a mental break up.
Breaking up with someone you were never actually dating can be excruciating, but it must be done if you’re ever going to move on and potentially find someone who actually wants to date you. Its best to start separating yourself from the person. This can be physically by asking them (politely) to give you some space or digitally by unfollowing them, or both. It’s hard to move on when you’re constantly having to confront them and getting some space can be ease the process. Secondly, simply talking to them can be helpful by giving you some closure or clarity on how they feel about the situation. Lastly, the best thing you can do is just let time take its course. It might hurt like hell right now but time fades all things. Emotions that once burned with a fiery passion will fade to a dull ember and eventually be extinguished completely. The person who once meant so much to you will cross your mind some time and you won’t feel the urge to immediately crawl into bed and cry for days. It just takes time.
