When I was a little girl, it wasn’t uncommon for the boys to chase us, pull our hair, or shove us around. Sometimes we would turn around and chase them or push them back. But, other times, they pushed a little too hard or maybe when they pulled our hair it really hurt. If we complained to someone, the typical response was “he probably likes you.”
When we got to middle school, boys liked to talk about the girls in our class. They thought it was funny to smack girls on the behind or grab at their breasts. During P.E., they would joke about sneaking into the locker room so they could watch us change. The teachers brushed it off as just “boys being boys.”
In high school (and even now in college) boys would talk about which girls were willing to “put out.” Tales of “popping cherries” and hooking up in cars echoed in the halls. Boys would lean across our desks to talk about how Britney was such a slut and Ashley was a tease, but would give in after some convincing. We were made to believe that this was all due to raging hormones and how hard it is for boys to control them.
Now that I’m older, it has become so much more. It’s being wary of any man who approaches me. It’s the feeling of being uncomfortable in my own skin because a boy has been staring at me for too long. It’s never leaving my friend’s side at a party because I’m afraid of what might happen to either of us if we separate. Having to say “no” multiple times when I’m with a boy and his hands wander too much, because I’m expected to not resist.
And we continue to make excuses. Presidential candidate Donald Trump has been recorded saying that he just starts kissing women, he “doesn’t even wait,” and because he’s famous they just “let him do it.” Because he’s famous he can do anything; “grab them by the p***y,” even. And we brush it off as “locker room talk,” because “all men talk that way.”
Being born with a penis does not excuse you from treating people with respect. This is not just “locker room talk,” this is disgusting. This is a man bragging about sexually assaulting women. As far as the argument that “all men talk this way”: no they do not. And if they do, we have a real problem.
We need to stop saying “boys will be boys.” Boys will be held accountable for their actions. Boys should be taught that there are repercussions for their bad behavior. Boys should learn that violence does not equal masculinity, and that you should respect others. Because when we justify a young man’s actions by saying “boys will be boys,” we keep them from growing into to the gentlemen that they can become.
