Stop Worrying About The Boys Who Leave You Because They Always Come Back

Stop Worrying About The Boys Who Leave You Because They Always Come Back

Put your energy into the person who matters most: you.
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Someone once told me that boys always come back.

Ask me three years ago whether or not I believed her. How dumb, I thought. Why would they come back if they’re the ones that chose to leave?

Ask me now whether or not she was right.

I’d tell you she was omniscient.

In those three short years, I learned that heartache will eventually be greeted with return, and to be quite honest, that’s the most disheartening part. Because then why did they leave in the first place? Or, better yet, why did it take a new girl for them to realize how good they had it?

Days filled with tears and weeks clouded with frustration all boil down to their infamous returns. So why worry about it? Why spend so much time thinking about what could have been or how it played out? Stop questioning why they left because sooner or later, you’ll hear from them again.

You’ll run into them on campus or see them at local restaurants. They won’t say anything at first, but you’ll be on their minds.

In some instances, you’ll hear from them a couple hours later. Other times, it’ll take a few months. Either way, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Ideally, they’ll contact you when they're single; but it doesn’t always work out that way, does it?

Don’t ask me why they come back. Maybe you’re the rebound. Maybe they finally realized what they lost. Or maybe they’re just bored and horny. Don’t ask me why; just know that they do.

What to do after they come back is your choice. Accept them or reject them. That’s your decision to make. But for the time being, stop wasting your time worrying. Put your energy into the person who matters most: you.

Cover Image Credit: pexels

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Want To Be A Better Boyfriend? Try These 5 Tricks

4. Listen to her.

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Some days, it seems like girlfriends are constantly asking for more, and while they may be annoying, there are a few simple ways to stop her nagging and win her praise.

1. Pay attention to her.

I promise you, she is dropping hints every day. These may sound like "Awh, look at all the pretty flowers" or "I haven't been to Boba House in so long!"

2. Plan dates. 

Text her while she is at school or work, and tell her to be ready when you get home or by a certain time. Give her an idea of how dressed up she should be, but don't tell her where you're going. Then, take her to her favorite restaurant, one she's mentioned lately, or to a new movie she'd been looking forward to!

3. Pick up small gifts for her.

This doesn't have to be anything expensive, but next time you're at the grocery store pick up her favorite candy, or a small flower bouquet. Just something little that will show her you were thinking of her when you weren't together.

4. Listen to her. 

Ask about her day, and when she tells you what Sarah did at work, ask her the next day or a few days later if things got better. Take interest in her life and remind her occasionally refer back to old topics to prove you do listen.

5. Get her involved in your interests.

It doesn't all have to be about her! Ask her to watch the game with you, or to go out with you to hang with your friends. She wants to be just as involved in your life as she wants you to be involved in hers!

At the end of the day, every relationship is different. Take this advice as vaguely as needed, and learn your partner and what they expect from you! Happy dating! :)

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I Asked 13 Men What It's Like To Be Ghosted, By Girls OR Guys, And They Did Not Hold Back

Getting ghosted, if it's by a friend or someone you're interested in, sucks.

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When you read articles about people getting ghosted, it is usually a story about a woman or group of women, especially in the dating scene. While it happens to women often, I know men don't get to voice their opinion on the matter seeing as it happens to them too! And people also forget that ghosting doesn't only apply to dating and relationships, it also applies to friendships as well.

So, I decided to ask 13 men what it is like to be ghosted and to tell the story behind what happened. These are their stories:

1. "She blocked me, so I left her a voicemail"

"I was talking to this girl from Tinder and we were having a good conversation. Out of the blue, she blocked me on everything. I got pissed so I called her and left her a voicemail telling her how it was messed up.

"On ghosting itself, I wouldn't do it. It's f*cked up. I would at least tell the person it isn't going to work." - Stephen, 23

2. "He gave me my first kiss and a few days later said he wanted to be friends"

"Well, he was the first man I ever seriously dated. He was an artist, he played the guitar, and smoked cigarettes. So, needless to say, I was into him. We went on a couple dates and I really enjoyed hanging out with him. One night, he walked me to my car and gave me my first kiss. It was the most romantic experience of my life. He told me how happy he was that he did that and that he met me. However, a couple days later he was over at my place and suddenly has to leave in the middle of it all because he's having 'issues.' It was at that moment that I told him I really liked him. He canceled again on me the next day. Come Sunday, he tells me that he'd rather be friends with me. I haven't heard from him since.

"To me, ghosting is cowardly and immature. You're selfish enough to give someone else heartbreak and emotional pain because you yourself cannot bring yourself to be honest with someone. Be honest with someone. Tell them early on if it isn't going to work out. Don't ghost them and leave them feeling like they aren't lovable or attractive." - Zach, 22

3. "My girlfriend of a year and a half went on a mission trip and called me and told me she didn't have feelings for me anymore"

"So for me getting ghosted I was dating this girl for a year and a half. She went on a mission trip and in the middle of the trip she decidedly calls me and tells me she doesn't have any feeling for me anymore. That moment I told her 'OK' and that I wish her the best. I didn't say anything else because I felt that she just needed some space. She wanted to get closer to God or whatever... Plus she was in freaking Asia and I wasn't going to have this conversation now. I figured to just have a future conversation with her when she got back. However, it never came... when she came back to the states, nothing. She didn't reach out to me or anything. I saw more and more pics of us from online disappearing one by one and boom, just like that. Whenever I reached out I just got ignored over and over again.

"My mindset is you can't have love without sacrifice and man did I sacrifice a lot. Fast forward a bit, pretty soon, boom, I was blocked on every social media site. Every pic was slowly gone and whenever we saw each other in school/mall/walking etc, we acted like strangers towards each other. It's the weirdest feeling in the world and I just wish I had a word for it... like you're talking to someone each and every day and the next thing you know you're strangers towards each other. I wished that it was face to face. At least give me that decency of doing it face to face and not like a coward. Because of that, it showed me how to come out of my shell more and to be more open about everything. That's why, now in my relationship with my current girlfriend, we talk about everything and are in constant communication." - Isaac, 25

4. "He blocked me on Facebook because he was hiding that he was in a relationship"

"My ex-boyfriend cut me out before breaking up with me. He blocked me on Facebook and told me he just decided to delete it. He stopped answering my phone calls. Eventually, it was like pulling teeth to get a text back. I had suspicions he might be having an emotional affair and he blew up on me and accused me of not trusting him and abruptly ended things. Three days later I found out he was Facebook official, in a relationship with someone else, before he broke up with me.

"Ghosting is stupid. If you can't be adult enough to tell someone you aren't interested in them or things aren't working then you aren't adult enough to be dating. Just don't." - Thomas, 25

5. "He ghosted me the day we were supposed to hang out"

"I was talking to a guy who showed a lot of interest and initiative. We had plans, but ghosted me the day we were supposed to get together.

"Do whatever you want but we're adults, be a little mature and responsible in your actions, especially if it involves others. Plans change. Feelings change. But you can go about it in so many different ways. Having things organically fizzle out is is also an option. But ghosting is not this passive thing that everyone thinks it is. You have to actively make the choice to cut the person out with no reason or warning. You have to actively ignore the other person while at times (at least with Grindr or Tinder) knowing that they can see you are still online. Honestly, I would so much rather people be honest." - Derek

6. "I posted a #WCW post of us and she told me to take it down and blocked me"

"I was dating this girl for three months. I had posted a #WCW post of her and me. Nothing crazy, just some cute photos and she told me to take it down. I did and then she blocked me from social media AND my number without any explanation.

"Ghosting sucks. Nobody should be left on ghost. There always should be an explanation as to why you are gonna ghost someone." - Doug, 30

7. "My co-worker who I befriended ghosted me after our trip to Chicago"

"I was ghosted by a developing friendship with a co-worker of mine. He worked at another store, the same position. We had a lot in common and decided to drop everything and take a trip to Chicago for fun. Everything was good the whole week there until the day we came back to Florida. We both went back to work in our stores. I texted him about something work-related, he didn't reply. I didn't worry about it. The next day I saw he read the message but didn't reply. Still, I was OK with that since he's probably busy at work since we both were returning back with a lot of tasks. Usually, he calls at night and sometimes throughout the week to just talk about the day, but not that week. I tried calling him near the end of the week. No answer. I then texted him asking him if anything was wrong at work or was it something about me that I did to him. He read it and no reply. Now, I was confused but also upset. I decided not to worry after that and just resume next week and see if he called or texted me, even if it's not personal. Nothing.

"Then, finally, at the end of the week, he had the audacity to text me that he needs some supplies from our store to transfer to his. I replied ASAP willing to help him out. He read it and didn't reply. Every since that text, there has been zero communication between us. I went out of my way to call and text him if I did anything wrong and he said nothing. I felt embarrassed because now my reputation between him and I was bare to nothing anymore since everyone knew that we became close buddies at work and outside of work, going to Chicago together.

"Ghosting shows more who you are and that's not going to get you far in life. You can't run away from your problems if there is one. I did my part and asked if there was an issue, now the ball is in your court and that ball hasn't come back." -Jan, 25

8. "He ghosted me to go out with his friends"

"One time I was talking to a guy on Grindr and I was looking forward to meeting him, but he kept on re-scheduling. I figured out that he was canceling to go out with his friends and after a while, he ghosted me without no explanation. Truthfully, I get that people can be turned off for hundreds of reasons, but it made me feel played. You meet someone and you talk for hours via chat; you wait for their messages hourly and when he ghosted me I felt like I wasted so much time.

"I think it is just a way for people to away confrontation. Like, it's OK to ghost if they aren't getting the hint or they bother/stalk you, but don't let it be the first thing." - David, 21

9. "She told me she wanted to go to a museum and then never texted me again"

"There was one time where I went on a couple dates with a girl. We went to Delray Beach to watch the 4th of July fireworks. I drove her back to her car and we kissed in parting. She texted me later that week and said she had been dying to go to the Frost Museum in Miami and asked if I'd be down. I told her I would, but that I had to work that weekend. Then she never responded to my texts.

"I get why ghosting is a thing. It's easy. The girl doesn't have to explain why she's dropping the dude. But it leaves the guy wondering why he got dropped when he thought things were going well and all the sudden it's dead. Because it happens so often without any obvious reason, it also makes me think I could be getting ghosted any moment when a girl takes a while to respond." - Zach, 25.

10. "She made the first move. We went on a date, kissed, and never heard from her"

"There was this girl I met in college. She was so interested in me. She made the first move, something I never usually see. We hit it off pretty well and we even went on a date. I cooked dinner for us. We had some light conversation ended our date sharing a kiss and her explaining she was under the impression that me being an older guy, I was just going to take her into my room and try to get some. Contrary to popular belief, I am kind of a gentleman. Taken back for a second, we ended up making out even harder before she left. I had aspirations of seeing her and eagerly texted her on multiple occasions to get together go on another date but never heard from her again. It was quite a perplexing situation.

"I personally think ghosting is a part of life but it sucks and is honestly pretty mean. I've ghosted people on Tinder and Bumble, so I am guilty but when you meet someone in person or create a physical bond, it would be a decent gesture to let them know you are not really feeling their vibes." - Ricardo, 26

11. "My opinion is that they need to man or woman up"

"The story about getting ghosted is too long, but my opinion is that it's an awful thing to do and people need to man or woman up and just say they don't want a relationship, friend or dating wise, instead of leaving the person with questions" -Anonymous, 25

12.

"So, I met this girl in middle school. We'll call her A. A and I got along famously, talks on the phone every day, texting, Skyping, the whole shebang. A moves to Texas. Unfortunate. We start playing Runescape together as a way to like, still hang out. Years go by, we always keep in touch, talking on the phone a few times a week, Runescape. We'd have the times where I was dating someone, she'd not talk to me as much but still keep it friendly and respectful, and vice versa. Anytime I was single, she'd have a boyfriend and anytime she was single I'd have a girlfriend, again, unfortunate but we were still young so it didn't matter. We always told each other that if we were ever single at the same time, and able to visit the other we would. And we did this all throughout high school. Even when I was dating my ex, I had to almost like cut her off because back then having a girl that was a friend was such a huge issue. Oh well.

Fast forward to 20-years-old. Same thing different day with her and me. She's in a relationship, she loves the dude. I'm in a relationship, I found out I'm having a kid (Spoiler, two years later I find out that it isn't even my kid). But one day, out of the blue, I had even made plans to come up and visit her, even bought us tickets to the Austin City Music Fest. The texts start changing, and I don't care what anyone says but you can tell a difference in text. They weren't as energetic. The calls stop, the Skyping stops. Till one day, I can't find her on Facebook or Instagram? Even her family did it. I didn't ever even talk to them. Phone number changed and all, and she had the same one from the first day I met her.

"If you've made someone invest time and emotion into you, then they deserve an explanation if you're just going to cut them off. Even if you think the reason will hurt them, it's better than the sh*t they probably come up with on their own in their head. I've ghosted someone before. But it was because I didn't want to string them along and I couldn't figure out how to explain how I was feeling. But I was also in 9th grade when I did that, so." - Casey, 25

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