For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Some days were fine, but on my bad days, my “ticks” overtook my thoughts.

When I washed my hands:

“Three pumps of soap. Scrub until you feel clean. Five paper towels. Oh no, one broke! No sixes. Have to get seven now. Don’t touch the doorknob... Finally done.”

When I walked on the sidewalk:

“Three steps per block. Don’t step on the cracks. Bigger steps!! You have to make it in three!”

If something went wrong or I didn’t get to complete my compulsive actions, I would go into a panic. Cry. Shut down.

My anxiety has always caused me to overthink, panic, and shut down.

Over the years, however, my anxiety and depression have worsened. Bipolar disorder began to make a presence. Each year, I noticed an increase in anxiety attacks, mental breakdowns, and overall bad moods.

There are days when I can’t get out of bed. I feel sad, lost, and completely hopeless.

My mental health has affected my school, social life, and, most of all, my relationships.

I don’t handle conflict well.

When I get sad or depressed, I yell and pitch a fit because I feel like it’s easier to be angry than it is to be sad.

No guy has ever been able to put up with it, let alone understand how I feel and want to help.

Until I met the most amazing man.

I love my boyfriend to the moon and back for so many reasons, but the thing that made me know he was the one was his reaction to the biggest mental breakdown that I have ever had.

Between school, work, social events, and my mental health, I was struggling to keep afloat. I cried every day. I was a stressed out, angry mess all of the time.

One day, after having a good day (due mainly to the manic stage of my bipolar disorder), I had a horrible mental breakdown. I began crying for what felt like no reason and couldn’t stop. I laid on the floor and cried until I couldn’t produce any more tears. And then I just laid there in complete silence, feeling hopeless.

I expected this to be the day that he realized that I was too much to handle... that he needed to get out quick.

But what he did next amazed me.

He stared at me for a few seconds before laying down next to me on the floor.

We laid there in silence for a few minutes until he finally spoke.

“I’m not exactly sure what all is upsetting you, but I just want you to know that I am here. I’ll always be here. I love you and I want to help you. You don’t have to get up right now, but when you’re ready, we’ll get up, okay?”

I laid there for a few more minutes in complete awe.

When I finally gained my composure, I told him I was ready to stand up.

And he picked me up.

He didn’t wait for me to stand on my own.

The minute he got to his feet, he reached for me.

He wanted to make sure I knew he was my support through it all.

And I’ve never been so grateful.

To my boyfriend,

I love you with all of my heart and soul.

You are my support and my hand to hold when I need it and even when I don’t.

You make me so happy each and every day.

Thank you for everything you do for me.

I love you.