ATTENTION! There is a way to end the hectic search for "Mr. Right" by using this foolproof boyfriend application, which will help you with finding the boy of your dreams. There is no need for the messy beginning stages of a relationship when you can just put everything out on the table. You will never again be alarmed by your boyfriend's inexcusable lack of hygiene or his incompetence of pleasing you in all aspects of life. Share this method with your friends because it's guaranteed to work.
Highest current level of education
GPA (Do not round you fool)
Size of weenie
General hygiene questions:
On average, how many showers do you take a week?
On average, how many times do you brush your teeth a day?
Do you pick your nose?
Do you wash your hands after you pee?
Do you put the seat down?
Please provide a short statement regarding your stance on the following topics:
1. Same sex marriage:
6. Plastic surgery:
What is your favorite...
Random, but still valid questions I need to know before furthering this relationship:
What are your thoughts on the following lyrics "I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex / Why? I made that bitch famous"
Boxers or briefs?
Do you read? (Twitter feed doesn't count)
How many shots in before you start acting like a complete imbecile?
Which celebrity do you believe would play you in a movie? (Don't even bother saying Zac Efron)
Did you cry while watching Titanic?
Have you even seen Titanic? (If no, refer to the next question)
Do you live under a rock?
Do you sleep on the left or right side of the bed?
Is it gross when your significant other fart in front of you?
Do you speak any other languages other than English?
Ass or boobs?
Who is your best friend?
Dogs or cats?
Do you currently have a Tinder (If yes, delete it now)
Any weird fetishes? Please explain.
Please answer the following questions on a scale from 1-10:
How funny do you think are you?
How sensitive are you actually?
How messy are you?
How kinky are you in the bedroom?
How good of a kisser are you?
Now answer truthfully, how good of a kisser are you?
How would you rate your looks? (1-Monster, 5-Barely Do-able, 10-Perfection)
Hypothetically what would you do if... (Triggers):
Another guy grabbed my ass at a bar?
Somebody cut you off on the highway?
One of your ex-girlfriends messaged/texted you?
Lastly, answer the following questions in 1-2 sentences:
Describe your style (Don't just say "cool").
Explain how you see your life in 10 years.
Describe your ideal vacation/honeymoon?
How many kids do you want? Girl? Boy?
Describe where you would you take me on a first date? (If you're lucky enough to make it past the application process).
Describe your relationship with your family.
References (Please provide two references, excluding all close best friends and your grandmother):
(Attach resume to the back of this application)
*Application can be revoked at any time if applicant fails to impress me throughout dating process or has provided non satisfactory answers on application questionnaire*
By signing below, I agree to uphold my responsibilities throughout the dating process to the best of my ability. I agree that I have answered all the above answers truthfully and understand that any false information provided will result in an automatic denial of any future dating rights. I also agree that providing a detailed application does not necessarily guarantee any furthering of this relationship. I understand that this process is serious and demands careful analysis and consideration, which means I will be patient during the decision making process. Failure of loyalty will result in immediate face to face meeting with said girlfriends brother and father.
Print Name: (Legibly)