Dear “Ex,”
When we first met I never thought you would become such a big part of my life, but quickly I realized that you would take up each and every corner of my mind for most of every single day. This had been a situation that I previously avoided with every power that I had in me. Over the last year, we have shared many laughs, long talks, many kisses, and even tears. I never expected to fall for you as fast and as hard as I did. I spent most of our “relationship,” or whatever you want to call it, trying to justify the reasons behind your fear of commitment. For the last year, I have convinced myself that somehow I would be able to change your views on relationships, but I have never been so wrong. No matter how many drunken conversations and sober goodbyes we had about us being together your mind never swayed, and just as soon as I thought it may, you would quickly take back everything you said.
Until I met you, I never knew what it felt like to love somebody who doesn’t love you back. After it was over, I’ve never tried avoid somebody's presence more. Although the more I tried to avoid you, the more I would run into you. It’s crazy that the same person who made me feel like I was on top of the world could also me feel like I didn’t mean anything to them. I’ve never known the feeling of walking into a crowded room, and not feeling noticed until you so as little glanced in my direction. Looking back, I can’t believe how many times I had to come up with excuses for the unanswered messages, and all the times you acted like I didn’t exist. I won’t miss all of the sleepless nights that I spent crying over you. I’ve realized that I do exist in a world outside of yours, and that is my own. Thank you for making me a stronger person, thank you for teaching me that I am my own sunshine, even on the darkest of days.
I am not writing this letter to make you change your mind, but to make you understand the pain that I felt when I realized that no matter how hard I tried to be what you wanted, I never was. I’m writing this letter to the other girls who find themselves in the same situation revolving door situation as you and I, to show them that their world does not circle around you, and there are much bigger things waiting for them than a boy who is scared to commit to them. I am not writing this letter not to make you feel remorse, but to say thank you. Thank you for showing me all of the things not to teach my future son when it comes to treating a girl with respect, and thank you for teaching me how to relate to my daughter’s pain when she is going through her first heartbreak. I want to say thank you for some of the best, and worst memories that have made my college experience whole. Most of all, I want to say thank you for showing me all of things that I don’t deserve. I want to thank you for forcing me to fall in love with myself.
Sincerely,
A Girl Who Learned Her Lesson The Hard Way
