You might see this, you might not; it doesn't matter. Although it's an open letter to you in the unlikelihood that you will see it, I mostly wrote it for myself.

I guess I want to start off by saying thank you. Not for dropping me out of nowhere. Not for falling completely off the face of the earth after telling me that you still care. Not for lying to me. Those are all stupid things to be thankful for. You suck for that list of crap. I'm talking about all of the great things that happened before we, or I should say you changed.

When I met you, I was really on the fence about everything. You were one of those guys that was more into me than I was into you and I was just so unsure about it. I didn't think it was gonna go anywhere. But you were so forward, in a good way, that I just wanted to see what would happen.

We ended up having so much in common — down to what we want to do and what we are doing with our lives. You left the biggest smile on my face...every day...for weeks. What we had was short, but don't you dare say it was nothing.

I told you something very personal about myself, but I think you took it in a way that I had not intended. I didn't give you that small piece of myself for you to just accept like a cheap souvenir. I told you because I wanted you to know that very few are deserving of my love.

I've lost piece after piece of myself through heartbreak and I feel that I can't afford to lose anymore. I've built up so many walls that I've lost count of how many there are. Others usually tend to give up after climbing the first. You were halfway up the second when you decided to turn around.

Was it because I'm a broken person? Everyone says they're damaged in some way, but they can somehow still get people to stay. I don't understand why, but mine is scarier and makes people run the minute they get a tiny glimpse of it. You stayed just a second longer than the others before you ran.

Everything you said to me; the way you held me; the way you looked at me like you saw the world at your doorstep; you made me feel like I was everything. It's not a feeling I have felt before, so it's very hard to put into words. But you were the first guy to set the standard for how I should be treated. You were the first guy to ever respect me and what I want. You know how corny I can make things sound, but you were the first guy who made me feel beautiful.

For once, someone told me they liked me without trying to get anywhere with it. They all may sound like simple things, but they mean so much to a girl that has an ongoing list of what she hates about herself, that is so brutal, that she doesn't believe anyone will love her for what she is. Because how could someone love a person that doesn't even know how to love their self? A person who has been riddled with anxiety and psychologically damaged; who would want that?

You did, or so I thought.

You made me believe that I'm possible to be loved; that I'm not a lost cause like every other guy has made me feel. You gave me a confidence in myself, making me believe that I'm going to be okay. Because of you, this "average" guy, I will not settle. No, I wouldn't say you were completely honest in the end, but feelings come and go for people...so I guess yours had left and you followed right behind them. It happens. The only reason I'm angry at you at all is because you made me feel as great as you did, and then you just took it all away, with no warning.

I won't ever understand why because I'm too stubborn to ask, but you were literally holding me one second and then all of a sudden, you were standing on the opposite side of the room, being careful not to touch me at all. And then I heard from you less and less over time. What did I do? Was it something I said? Your silence made my thoughts become so incredibly loud that I couldn't focus on my studies and was just completely beside myself. I came to the conclusion on my own, even after hearing my dearest friends tell me the opposite — you simply lost interest in me.

You never told me in words...you just backed off ever so slowly and then acted confused when I told you that maybe we shouldn't hang out anymore if this was anything like how it was going to be. You finally spoke up and said you were busy and I completely understand that. I'm so proud of you and all of your hard work that you put into your job every day. I know it's not easy. But I'm also not stupid because I know that being busy doesn't affect the words you choose to say. We started to talk less, and with that, you started to talk to me like a bro. It went from "I can't wait to see you" and constant flirting to short, to-the-point texts like "ok" and "idk maybe." And that's how I knew that everything we had was officially in the past.

As much as I hate to admit it, I was a wreck for awhile. I sat at the foot of the ocean one day in silence for two hours. I drove around Ocean Avenue four times crying my eyes out like a pathetic fool over a stupid boy because I didn't want to go home at eleven at night. I've refused to have a drink since because I've been terrified of the feelings that might be evoked that exist where I bury everything else. The love that you gave to me in such a short amount of time was just one of the greatest experiences I ever had. That's the only explanation that I can come up with as to why I felt so bad after the time we had together. But I wasn't counting the days because I think the length of time isn't what's important. What mattered to me was quality, not quantity.

So for as much as I could question you and be mad at you forever, instead, I just want to say thank you.

Thank you for making me feel like I mattered.

Thank you for using kindness in every word you spoke.

Thank you for holding me the way that you did.

Thank you for reminding me that I am of worth.

Thank you for giving me the respect I deserve.

Thank you for being you.

Time is the only thing that can really mend a broken heart. Is it really broken if it only loved momentarily? It felt broken; cracked at least. I was hesitant at first sight, but the way you held me made me feel like I could trust you with my heart.

The plain and simple stupid truth that I now grasp is if you wanted to talk to me, you would. So I'm not gonna go out of my way to tell someone that I care about them as a person if they don't care to hear from me at all. Instead, I just decided to write this open letter for entire world to see (lol).

My intention's not to tell everyone how I'm feeling because strangers don't care about that. But maybe my story will stick out to others that have gone through something similar. What everyone should know is that it doesn't matter how short an experience may be, if it means anything to you, it happened for a reason and it does matter. Don't ever let anyone try to tell you it's anything less.

Anyways, I'm happy that our little thing happened and that you were a part of my story. As stupid and cliché as it may sound, you changed me for the better, even if it was just the teeniest amount. But for that, I will forever be grateful. Thank you so much for existing. See you when I see you...