Borderline Personality Disorder
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

Borderline Personality Disorder

I have tried to ignore this disorder for at least three years of my life, and now it is time to not let it ruin my life anymore. I hope this has helped someone. If so, feel free to reach out. I would love to listen to your story.

674
How I am feeling.
Photo Credit to Unsplash.com

Borderline Personality Disorder. A mental illness, according to Mayo Clinic, is "...a mental health disorder that impacts the way you think and feel about yourself and others, causing problems functioning in everyday life."

That doesn't even define what the mental illness is. That is just the introductory sentence on Mayo Clinic's website about this disease.

These are the symptoms for Borderline Personality Disorder, according to Mayo Clinic.


1. An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection.
2. A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel
3. Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all.
4. Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours
5. Impulsive and risky behavior, such as... spending sprees, binge eating... or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship.
6. Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to the fear of separation or rejection
7. Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame, or anxiety
8. Ongoing feelings of emptiness.
9. Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights

I express all of these symptoms except the sixth.

People think that just because I am not suicidal, or that I don't do anything that society deems "dangerous" that there is nothing you need to worry about.

The people are wrong.

Nobody really understands. They have NO idea what I have been through. NO idea why I keep attracting the same boys over and over again, just because I don't want to be alone. Well, except maybe my therapist and my mom... :)

They have no idea of the trauma in my life that I have just swallowed. No idea why I prefer to be in relationships because the thought of being alone with my own thoughts is so terrifying.

I can't be alone. I do not like the person I am, and I haven't for a while. Ever since I was younger, I have LIVED for affirmation from others.

My freshman year of college was the worst year of my life. The man I depended on very unhealthy decided to not be with me anymore. Looking back now almost three years later, I don't blame him.

During the situation, however, I broke. I completely fell apart. I gained fifty pounds. I never left my dorm room. I went from having an A/B average in college to getting a 1.6 GPA in the second semester.

I am telling you this now because this was my lowest. Or so I thought.

Things started to get better for me. I started attending a ministry on my campus (shout out to Catholic Campus Ministry!), and I decided that I didn't want to have sex until marriage, I thought about becoming a nun, and then HE came into the picture.

He whisked me away to Europe. He stole my heart. He helped me lose 20 pounds. I thought he was the one.

He was not.

Now I feel like I am back to square one. I feel like I am that miniscule eighteen-year-old baby in her dorm room. I feel so alone, even though I know that there are people around me who love me.

I am overwhelmed. But now I know that there is a light. There is a happy ending.

And that happy ending is me. No man can ever give me that. No friend can ever give me that. I am my own happy ending, and I am sick of treating myself like I am the antagonist of my own story.

I am a hero. I have been through so much in my life, and I finally feel brave enough to figure out my disorder.

I know this is a marathon, not a sprint. But I am prepared now to take life by the antlers and look at life more positively.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My sad playlist I listened to while writing this: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2CxT0AqAHF9C5FS1...

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
New Year Resolutions

It's 2024! You drank champagne, you wore funny glasses, and you watched the ball drop as you sang the night away with your best friends and family. What comes next you may ask? Sadly you will have to return to the real world full of work and school and paying bills. "Ah! But I have my New Year's Resolutions!"- you may say. But most of them are 100% complete cliches that you won't hold on to. Here is a list of those things you hear all around the world.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

The Ultimate Birthday: Unveiling the Perfect Day to Celebrate!

Let's be real, the day your birthday falls on could really make or break it.

41777
​different color birthday candles on a cake
Blacksburg Children's Museum

You heard it here first: birthdays in college are some of the best days of your four years. For one day annually, you get to forget about your identity as a stressed, broke, and overworked student, and take the time to celebrate. You can throw your responsibilities for a day, use your one skip in that class you hate, receive kind cards and gifts from loved ones and just enjoy yourself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

Unleash Inspiration: 15 Relatable Disney Lyrics!

Leave it to Disney to write lyrics that kids of all ages can relate to.

60824
The 15 most inspiring Disney songs

Disney songs are some of the most relatable and inspiring songs not only because of the lovable characters who sing them, but also because of their well-written song lyrics. While some lyrics make more sense with knowledge of the movie's story line that they were written for, other Disney lyrics are very relatable and inspiring for any listener.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

The Six Most Iconic Pitbull Lyrics Of All Time

Mr. Worldwide just wants to see you succeed.

79070
a photo of artist Pitbull

It is no secret that Pitbull is a gifted artist, but many fail to remember that he can be a source of great inspiration as well. The following is a list of iconic Pitbull lyrics that we know and love. Read on to feel empowered — if you think you can handle it.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

11 Essential Expectations for Becoming the Ultimate Cheermeister

Mastering Festive Expectations: Tips to Shine as Your Holiday Cheermeister

109821
Crazy for Christmas

So you’ve elected yourself as this year's Holiday Cheermeister, there’s no shame in that. The holidays are your pride and joy, and you've taken on the responsibility to get everyone in the spirit. With only one week until Christmas, here are some things we expect from you, Cheermeister.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments