Every day is a new challenge when deciding how much I want to fight myself on wearing something that might not fit my "body type." There is so much hate in the world: no love or support for those who want to be themselves. It seems that the mold confining us to one figure is being broken, but this is only a slight step forward and it might get pushed back because of a new magazine or model standard. Women are the main focus of this article, but I am not excluding that men experience the same harsh standards created by society. Since I am a woman, though, it seems more relevant for me to talk about the daily control of body positivity for women.

In high school, the outpouring of hormones floods our systems and minds while we are changing through the fun effects of puberty. On top of feeling weird about our own bodies, we have television shows, magazines, and movies showing women who are supposed to be teenagers, but are Barbie incarnates, displaying that the teenage girl doesn't exist in the real world. It is disheartening to look how you do and to push yourself to look like that when there's not enough foundation in the world to turn you into Jennifer Lawrence. Some girls know what they're doing, but that's because they might care a little too much about meeting those standards. Others, like myself, don't have the patience, time, or even the money to become a perfect mannequin. That is when the gap forms between feeling good about yourself, and trying to match the girls who look pristine every day.

As college rolled around, I acquired a slightly better wardrobe: more colorful clothing, some designs and prints I wasn't used to, and more dresses than the two I already owned. Yet, I found myself in the same rut, comparing myself with all the others, caring about what they thought. Again, more of the onslaught of beautiful faces and people who cared too much, making me feel more inadequate than ever. Now it has been years of struggling, almost every minute of the day, to decide whether or not to stand up straight or just stand in the background. Choosing an outfit makes me cringe, I don't plan ahead, I don't prepare myself for the day ahead.There's a little bit more of a smile, though, more of an acceptance of my size, and of what it takes to look how I want to look. In the meantime, though, I will do my best to smile at who I am and care less about what they think: society can't keep me locked down forever. Time to be the woman my future children can be proud of.