Now more than ever, biracial couples are not only dating, but also extending their legacies by bringing their mixed children into this progressive world. I was one of these babies nearly 19 years ago, and there are a few lessons I learned on my journey from then until the modern day.
1. You're physically unique.
For those who show physical traits of both races, you are a rarity to the eyes of many. I'm an Asian American who has the eyes and smile of my white father and nose and body of my Asian mother. I'm proud to be mixed and hold values from both cultures, but there is an irritating amount of alienation and discrimination that I've faced over the years.
Some people immediately assumed that I'm only Asian and ask investigative questions about my heritage, make false assumptions and persistently claim that I could not possibly be partially white nor have been born in the United States. Someone please tell me if I've signed up for a lifetime subscription to the game 21 Racist Questions, because if I did, I need to unsubscribe, regain my sanity and sue for royalties because the only one who takes racial jabs at me is myself.
2. You feel out of place.
Aside from the aforementioned ignorance and racism, this one is an internal struggle that really has no party to blame. This is a good time to clarify the difference between ethnically different and culturally different. Biracial people are by definition ethnically different, but not all biracial people are culturally different. Since my father left when I was three, I've been brought up in an Asian household, and a well-known truth is that in Asian (and most eastern) cultures, we are taught from Day 1 to always respect our elders, whether they're in our family, a friend or even just a total stranger. Over the years, I've had to bite my tongue on many occasions because to talk back to (or even just disagree with) anyone older than me is considered incredibly rude, even if I say it in the most cordial way possible. Conversely, here in America we're encouraged to speak our minds and exercise our freedom of speech. I don't fully agree with either, because I do believe you should be allowed to stand up for yourself but there's also a right time and place for certain things to be said, which isn't really covered in the First Amendment.
There are definitely more ways biracial people can feel like an outlier, but what's important to remember is that we're never truly alone. Even if we can't find other people who are biracial and rant together, we can surely find someone of any color or ethnicity who has been brought up one way and had to somehow figure out how to go to school and live alongside an overwhelming majority that wasn't taught the same way of life.
3. You have a harder time figuring out your "identity."
The day we leave elementary school is the day things stop being simple. Kids play with anyone that's fun and don't have preconceived notions about how any race is "supposed to act/be." But for my generation, thanks to the power of the Internet and unsupervised nighttime television, the struggle for me and the handful of other biracial kids I knew was created and grew exponentially over the next several years. It's a natural human instinct to want to hang around people who look like us, so that was Barrier #1. I personally look like a 50/50 mixture of both races, so it left me kind of stuck when the Asian kids and white kids divided into separate groups in every class I had. Barrier #2 was that when I finally did join one of the two groups (I usually alternated each time because my indecisiveness held up the class), I couldn't fully enjoy either one. Anyone who knows me knows that I talk a lot, which is a direct contradiction to the "Asians are quiet" stereotype, and I possess a natural affinity for test-taking and basically being a nerd, which is the opposite of being cool across all American public school systems.
On the flip side, my lack of racial preference and awareness of cultural differences allowed for me to become friends with all walks of life, not just those that semi-looked like me. I'm able to connect with many of them by finding similarities between our cultures and building strong relationships with them upon these same values. We focus on our common interests and respect each other's differences because we know there is a distinct difference between being an outsider and feeling like one.
It's pretty obvious that "fitting in" is easier than standing out, but we need to be okay with looking unique. We may feel out of place here and there, but we'll always know there's someone who can relate. Sometimes, the greatest advantage to being biracial is the lack of having only one single "identity." It wasn't until my senior year of high school when I felt comfortable in my skin and started owning who I am instead of what I'm perceived or expected to be. We should embrace the good from our cultures and be proud to be biracial. We're not confined to a single racial box--we check all that apply.
