In a society that strives for bigger paychecks, bigger houses, and bigger vacations, being a bigger girl is not ideal. The media shows us images of models and celebrities, and we are brainwashed into thinking we should look like them. I need to be a size 2 to be beautiful. I’ve always been a bigger girl – a fat round face, thick thighs, and extra weight around my stomach. As someone who is not a size 2 or even a size 8, I can say that bigger isn’t always better.
I feel like I’m always being stared at, even when no one else is around. I’m afraid that if I don’t suck in, someone will call me out for it. My life is a constant battle of trying to be comfortable in my own skin and pleasing everyone else. I never seem to win. What really sucks is that I feel judged even when I am eating salads and going to the gym. Trying to change myself still isn’t good enough.
Guys never seem to be interested in me. I’m not lying when I say that I have been told, “I don’t care to talk to you because you’re a bigger girl.” Unfortunately, it’s the cold hard truth of the world we live in. Bigger is never seen as beautiful. It’s hard to think that I will never get married and have a family because I am never given a chance.
The bigger girl is spotted in every group of friends, and it’s always me. Sorry ladies, I really don’t care to take pictures, and I definitely do not want to post them online. I can see myself compared to you in person; I do not need to be reminded of it on Facebook tonight and in your “throwback Thursday” on Instagram.
I don’t look cute in the current fashion trends. Why do I need clothes? Can’t I just stay in my pajamas all day? Finding jeans that fit is hell. Button-ups? There goes a button. Bathing suits? No thanks. Being a bigger girl limits what I can wear, and my size doesn’t seem to carry the cute prints and designs that the smaller sizes do.
Being a bigger girl has its struggles, but the hardest thing to accept is that I truly feel these things about myself. I always feel like less of a person. I think the stares are real, I never feel beautiful, and I hate that I can’t wear “normal” clothes like every other girl my age. These feelings have controlled me for as long as I can remember, and it takes a toll on my self-esteem and attitudes toward life. I’m able to see the beauty in other people, and I wish I could see it within myself. Aside from big hair, being bigger is never better.
