If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" more than a few times in your life. It’s a family favorite in my house and I’ve watched it probably once a month since the first time I saw it when I was 10. Not only do I find the movie extremely hilarious, but the similarities between the fictional Portokalos family and my own are astounding. My family isn’t Greek -- we’re a mix of Romanian and Italian -- but I know how it feels to have a large and crazy family. No, my aunt doesn't chase me around my house trying to make me eat sheep brains and no, my grandpa doesn't roast a pig on a spit in our backyard, though if the yard was big enough I'm sure he'd try to. For all the weird things we don't do, there are equally as many that we actually do.
Culture is a funny thing.
Despite the fact that we live in America, someone is always so impressed or shocked at something Americans do, like how some cakes have holes in them that can double as a flower holder. Life is a little different in America than what some relatives are used to, no matter how long they've lived here. You find yourself listening to relatives who have try to speak English as best as they can, and sometimes words just don't come out right. Kitchen becomes chicken, grill becomes girl, and bundt cake becomes bun cake. Only your family knows what your grandpa means when he says "Fire up the girl!"
Baking soda is the cure.
If you've seen the movie, you probably know that Mr. Portokalos swears that Windex is the cure for everything. For my grandpa, it's baking soda. You got a paper cut? Put some baking soda on it. You burnt your hand on the stove? Put some baking soda on it. You have a rash on your foot? Baking soda. Of course my family is used to this weird antic, but I'd have to stop and explain it to anyone else who wouldn't understand. Some people are intrigued, others think it's weird. But here's the crazy part: It actually works.
Every affair is a family affair.
Your business is everybody's business. All the time. You call your mom tell her something you're worried about and suddenly your aunt from four states over is calling asking why you're worried about your life. Your large number of cousins and aunts and uncles is a blessing and a curse all in its own. It's good for some things, like if you're performing in a show or playing in a concert you'll know that at least half of the people in the audience are for you. And you know you're going to have one giant wedding party because you can't leave anybody out.
We're a big group of people.
Everywhere you go, it's like you're bringing along the traveling brigade. We've taken multiple cars to get the whole family to a restaurant for dinner before. People think maybe you're having dinner with two or three other families, but no, this is just your immediate family. And yes, there have been times in restaurants when they had to push five tables together to fit everyone. And when the waiter asks what the occasion is, we just say dinner. People have actually said to us they wish their family was as big as ours.
We eat and drink.
Growing up, my house was always a place of interest. My grandma was always cooking something and my grandpa was always opening a bottle of something. Let me get this straight: We can hold alcohol well, but if anyone else tried to keep up, there'd be some problems. We do know how to throw some killer parties, though. Plates upon plates of food, and bottles upon bottles of drinks, and someone is always trying to get you to eat something.
It's never quiet.
Quietness is a rarity. Our indoor voices are your outdoor voices and our outdoor voices can be heard three blocks over. We never stop talking. Someone always has something to say, especially at the dinner table. And if more than one person wants to talk, they talk over each other at such insane volumes that you can't even hear yourself think. Many of our house guests often become very overwhelmed with the mass amounts of people and noise always in our house.
The man is the head, but the woman is the neck.
"And she can turn the head any way she wants." No matter how many times my dad thinks he came up with a good idea, he's not the one who came up with it. This is a very skilled art -- my mom has been putting ideas in my dad's head for years. She gets him to do exactly what she wants him to by saying just the right thing, and she makes him think he thought of it. Many pre-thought out conversations have been the start of many major decisions in my household. Smart man... or smart lady?
Being a vegetarian is almost impossible.
I could swear that the main food group in any European family is meat. I told my family I didn't eat red meat anymore. Their response? They laughed. Meat is served with every meal, so if you don't eat meat you're fresh out of luck. I have a friend who is a vegetarian and I had to remind my mom that she didn't eat meat anytime she stayed for dinner. My grandpa would make smart comments about how she was missing out and how it tasted so good. And yes, you bet it tastes good.
Family reunions are the best.
When family comes into town, it's a reunion bigger than anything you've ever seen before. And we don't put family in a hotel. They stay in our home. So suddenly you're sleeping in your brother's bed or on the floor in the living room next to your cousin. The women are arguing about who's making dinner while the men sit around laughing and drinking. It's noisy and crazy and grandma is putting too much brandy in her drink and Aunt Voula is telling some gross story about her twin but we're all laughing and there's no better feeling than having everyone together.
We may be different, but we're all fruit.
This is a funny lesson Mr. Portokalos taught us, but it's very true. No matter how annoyed we get at different family members or how strange it may seem that someone is doing something out of tradition, we aways support each other, and that's what's most important. No matter if we're oranges or apples, we're all the same. We're family.
"My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2" is in theaters March 25, 2016.
