I love living in the South. It's actually pleasant to be outside, and I don't have to deal with the losing sports teams and horrific accents of Upstate New York. That being said, one of my favorite parts of living here is probably the food. Also, it's the thing that annoys me the most. To explain, here are six examples:
1. Worst: Pizza
Pizza in the southern U.S. can be pretty atrocious. To put this in perspective, when I ask my friends from the south about where to find the best slice, they say things like "Costco" or "Papa John's." I wish I was kidding. Good pizza isn't that difficult to make. As a college student, my standards are pretty low. But when I bite into a doughy slice of pizza with watery tomato sauce and bland strings of cheese, I want to transfer schools. Of course, nothing tops this off like seeing your compatriots eat pizza with a fork and knife, or worse, folding it horizontally before biting it.
2. Best: sweet tea
Sweet tea is the nectar of the gods. It pours out of a special container, all golden and saccharine-sweet. There is so much sugar in sweet tea. I don't like to think about it. You really don't realize that you're hooked on sweet tea until you go back home to the North. That Brisk raspberry stuff from the fountain you thought was sweet tea all this time? It's like toilet water in comparison. The last time I asked for sweet tea in a restaurant in New York, they gave me unsweetened tea with sugar packets, which is okay I guess if you like sucking up bitter water and undissolved sugar crystals through your straw.
3. Worst: Chicken wings
Chicken wings aren't always terrible in the South. I feel like I'm being unfair. But since I grew up near Buffalo, I have ridiculous chicken wing pretensions. Let's just say if you're already eating a slice of Virginia pizza, the last thing you need in your life is a mushy, soggy chicken wing, coated in country sweet "wing sauce" that tastes like high fructose corn syrup and butter.
4. Best: Hush puppies
Does anybody know what goes into hush puppies? Not as far as I know. They taste kind of like...cornbread? The batter on onion rings? It's probably better to keep a little mystery. They're little balls of deep-fried deliciousness. And the best part? They're actually served as a side dish to other deep-fried foods. Michelle Obama would not approve. But I am in love.
5. Worst: Bagels
Personally, I can't tell the difference between "good" and "bad" coffee. This is probably because I never drink "good" coffee. So my personal favorite coffee is probably a macchiato from the machine at my 7/11. If you are this way about bagels, never change. Like me and my gas station coffee, it is best to enjoy the unawareness. But if you grew up eating dense, airy, New York style bagels, you will never be able to enjoy a breakfast sandwich south of the Mason-Dixon line. It will just be ruined by the heavy, mealy, flavorless brick that is the "bagel." Just get your egg sandwich on a biscuit instead. Southern biscuits are a treasure.
6. Best: Fried chicken
The only time I had fried chicken before I went to college in Virginia was at a grocery store in Cape Cod when I was 13. That was delicious, and it was NOTHING compared to real, Southern fried chicken. I can't explain it, it just tastes like home. I enjoy fried chicken so much that I eat it sparingly so that I don't lose the magic, like the time when I ate 15 mozzarella sticks and it kind of ruined cheese for a while. Fried chicken is so good that it allows me to overlook Southern pizza, which is, well, pretty impressive.
