Viewing life through the idea of compare and contrast is often both mentally and physically exhausting. The person may feel that they are incapable of measuring up to society's standards of beauty, intelligence, strength, or even athletic ability. There is always someone, somewhere who is better. Due to this, the individual may feel as if they must constantly strive to better themselves, aiming towards a type of perfection that can never truly be attained. When a person cannot achieve this "ideal" quality, dispirited anxiety is able to easily set in. Simply the idea of never, ever being good enough can envelope the mind and engulf the person, sending him or her into a deep sense of self-loathing and desolation.
Throughout the years, I often have struggled with these same obstacles. I find myself constantly comparing my own God-given attributes to those of other family members. I often detect that I subconsciously measure my own string bean body, paired with my noodle like arms, to that of my little (yet taller and bigger) brother, who could probably bench almost twice my weight. I always discover through my endless hours of studying and completing assignments myself attempting to match my twin sister's academic intellect, who regularly excels at school. I invariably, while talking to friends or meeting new acquaintances, find myself comparing my sometimes awkward social attributes to my mom's sociable qualities that make her the life of every occasion. There are many other characteristics that I contrast with the rest of my household, attributes such as my looks, my athletic ability, my clothes, or even the way I write my blog (I attempt to compare with my mom sometimes because of her gifted use of words. Definitely look her blog up if you have the chance!). I pick and prod at all of the amazing gifts and abilities that I possess, calculating and comparing to those who may be better at them than I am. Through this thinking process, I often find myself wondering if I am truly special. Not the type of special that moms describe when they are illustrating their affection or the kind of special feeling one receives when he or she has fifteen minutes of fame. I am talking about being a special human being. I repeatedly muddle at the question at whether I am truly one in a million or simply another person in the crowd. This inquiry leaves me at a state of melancholy where I am typically disgusted with who I am.
However, after a certain time of self-doubt, I begin to think about the different things that I am good at. I start to reflect how my thin body and skinny arms are able to steal and block my brother's many advances towards the hoop during a one-on-one basketball game (a no small feat in the least). I begin to understand that my average academic mind allows me to become a highly motivated student in school. I start to realize that, although still slightly socially awkward, I have met and interacted with a great number of people that I am proud to call my friends. Through this reflection, I always come to the conclusion that I possess many great aspects that not everyone has. These characteristics that I carry have allowed me to grow into the man I am today as well as become the best (and truest) version of myself. Although I may not be the best at everything, there is one thing that I am phenomenal at. And this is being me!
