As someone who's mind is almost always yelling "abort!" while in public situations, I would be the first to agree that the socially awkward life isn't the best. However, having spent the majority of the past five years or so in an incredibly pessimistic mindset, I feel like I've gained at least a little insight on how to branch away from that negativity. What I've learned is simple: I've been looking at it all wrong. While having my eyes locked on the gravel below my feet in order to avoid any possible eye contact with strangers is probably one of the most annoying factors of my everyday life, I can safely say that when the road clears, finally allowing me to look up into the sky, I find that there are still positives out there. My hope is that this new "half-full" look into being socially awkward might help some who suffers from any range of the awkward field, from just being shy to having social anxiety. I hope it shows the good things that are never realized, that even I sometimes forget. I hope it serves as a little reminder that everything is OK. The world doesn't end just because you can't handle small talk and missing out on parties doesn't ruin a life, as I always figured it would. I've learned that there are indeed benefits to all of the struggles entailed with being socially awkward. Even though it took me years to figure it all out, here is my insight.
1. You enjoy the little things.
Knowing your favorite movie is waiting to be watched once your homework is completed is enough to get you through the day. Having one person laugh at the joke you managed to cough out will be the sole reason for the smile on your face and curling up with a steaming cup of tea and a good book is all you need to be content. I put my tennis shoes on today and forced my nervous self to walk all the way across my college campus to workout at the gym by myself. Sure, I wanted to run for 30 minutes on the elliptical specifically because exercise is something that helps my anxiety, but once I returned to my safe dorm, there was no bringing down my day. I did something for myself, by myself, and for me, that was enough. For most, a grocery run is a chore and the source for no happiness other than maybe some cookies grabbed last minute, but for the socially awkward, it's a success story. Find joy in that.
2. You gain wisdom by observing others.
Watching from the sidelines makes it entirely easier to judge situations from an unbiased and rare perspective. You're a bystander by default, which is a fine place to be. By simply listening, watching or being, you get to see how others handled certain predicaments as well as the consequences, and in turn, can alter your own actions. In the end, you learn more from an objective view point. The hero would probably die if it weren't for the side-kick, just saying. All my life, I've been the advice giver, the one being asked for answers. And it wasn't until recently that one of my friends pointed out how while I give this advice freely, I've had basically zero experiences regarding what I give advice for. I've helped with things like relationships and confidence while I have never been in a relationship nor have had the strongest past with confidence. I can help with these things though because I see it in a way lots of others don't: from the sidelines. That is something to be praised, not hidden. Having the ability to sit back, observe and understand is something that takes patience, and being socially awkward gives plenty of opportunity for this. Own your unique perspective.
3. The friends you make are meaningful.
If you have social anxiety or are in any way socially awkward, making friends is a hard enough task, but once you have one (if because they've known you all your life, relate to you or just happen to love who you are), the relationship that evolves is an extremely strong one. It's just an added bonus when they happen to understand where a socially awkward person is coming from or who you are as a person. Those friends tend to be very helpful and compassionate, a great thing to be surrounded by when you choose to be surrounded by people. I've had my friends this past week offer to meet me at the cafeteria or the front of the library specifically so I would have someone to walk and be with in places that cause me the most anxiety. Be grateful for this.
4. You are stronger than you realize.
I know it's super hard to imagine your strengths when everyday it seems like your flaws are being pointed out and shown to the entire world in big bold letters, but it's possible. If anything, those flaws are the weights your strength is working out with. And it's hardly talked about which is unfortunate. While I am usually seen as quite a fragile little being who relies on her friends to order her sub from Subway, I know I am strong in other ways. While I hesitate before entering a crowded room, I narrow my eyes and walk on in despite my shaky hands and redden cheeks. There is a determination there that I would have never received it it weren't for my struggles. I would have never known the independence that comes when you're stuck by yourself or figured out who to be when it's only me. That is a trait many people never get, so show it some love.
There are so many little daily rewards as a socially awkward person, whether it be the fact you stepped outside that day or actually enjoyed your prom. It's all perspective, really. It does suck that crowded places make your heart pound and your hands clammy. I am not denying that in the slightest. Not being able to answer the phone without having a script and constantly being scared that the person on the other end of the line might divert from your plan is no walk in the park. However, the second your head hits the pillow at the end of the night, you can smile, knowing you survived a hectic day of conversation and social expectations. Each day is a battle and while you are still fighting, the win is guaranteed and I think that's pretty grand.
