Everyone knows Benjamin Franklin for his ingenious idea to fly a kite with a key attached to it during a storm. He’s also pretty famous for his hand in crafting our nation’s government, as well as his presence on the $100. What they don’t know Big Ben for is for his 13 Virtues; it seems like most old white historical figures also dabbled in philosophy, and he was no exception.

Ben held that these 13 beliefs that guided his behavior, and we can all probably take a leaf out of his book. Or not, because these were from the early 1800’s and he was a xenophobic hypocrite.

1. Temperance

“Eat not to dullness, drink not to elevation.” So basically, don’t get too drunk or stoned, and don’t eat until you hurt. But Ben’s enthusiasm for wine disregarded Virtue #1, so you can too.

2. Silence

“Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself.” That means that all that music you’re listening to is a no go. Welp.

3. Order

“All things should have their place, and all schedules should be followed.” This one stands the test of time, so just be glad that you’re not hailing a horse and buggy to get to your next appointment.

4. Resolution

“Perform without fail what you resolve.” The same way Ben wanted to tie giant hydrogen balloons on slaves so that they could zip through the streets a little lighter and deliver messages quicker.

5. Frugality

“Waste nothing.” Seems fair enough. I have no criticism.

6. Industry

“Lose no time. Always be employed in something useful.” I’d love to ask Ben what he would define as “useful”, considering his penchant for storm chasing. On horseback.

7. Sincerity

“Use no hurtful deceit.” Again, fair enough. Human nature can probably benefit from more of this. Well done, Ben.

8. Justice

“Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.” To put it brazenly, don’t be a d*ck.

9. Moderation

“Avoid extremes.” Ben was talking about this in the context of extreme activity that could cause bodily harm, but again… storm chasing. On horseback.

10. Cleanliness

“Tolerate no uncleanness in body, clothes, or habitation.” Amen to this. College kids, please learn from this one. If they could keep clean despite the lack of deodorant back in the 19th century, so can we.

11. Tranquility

“Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.” YOLO. He’s giving you a free pass to accept your fate. So if you’re sick with the flu, take advantage of it and stay in bed while knowing that a founding father is proud of you.

12. Chastity

“ Rarely use venery but for health or offspring.” No, he didn’t think that everyone should be celibate forever. And “health” could probably cover a pretty wide berth of activity. But he would probably frown upon PDA, and definitely didn’t approve of anyone’s extramarital affairs.

13. Humility

“Imitate Jesus and Socrates.” Okay, Ben. Will do. Thanks.