Wake up, get ready, go to class, go to work, come home, eat dinner, sleep. This routine seemed typical. Every now and then I would run into a few friends, put on a fake smile, and say everything is okay.
I walk past my ex-boyfriend on my way to work with a new girl holding his hand and give a half-smile, but on the inside, I’m dying.
I see pictures of old friends partying and get a text the next day saying how they wished I could have made it, but I never got invited.
It seems as if nothing went right and that I’m stuck in the same position.
I missed knowing when things would turn out okay. Instead, I’m playing a guessing game with my mind hoping everything turns out okay in the end.
I go to bed crying every night because of this feeling of being alone. Not being with anyone who understands what is going through your mind. Anxiety is taking over and you start to question what is going on and how life turned out to be this way.
You start to realize that everyone around you notices that something is wrong with you. It’s like they can sense that you aren’t happy anymore.
You are tired of being in the same position you were at a year ago. You feel as if there is no way you can escape this lifestyle.
You constantly hope and assume the best is going to happen, but you just aren’t quite sure.
Thoughts start to race your mind wondering how things would have been different if you maybe took a different route after graduation. Perhaps go to graduate school, work a little harder to get a better GPA so you’d have more job opportunities, or even reconsidering college all over again to get a degree in a different major.
It’s hard being stuck in a position where you are uncertain of what is going to happen next. It is scary as well.
It’s hard to not overthink this, but when you do, it makes you question everything.
Instead of doing this, it’s easier to keep yourself distracted and to just let things fall into place the way they should.
Sometimes we need to take a breather and remember that life is unknown. It’s impossible to predict what will happen to us in the future, but we just have to accept what comes and trust that everything is happening for a reason. At this point, if you’re stuck in your life, maybe something better is coming along, you just have to wait for it. Things do get better ultimately in the end, and if things aren’t okay, it just means it’s not the end yet.
