Being single gets a bad rep. It seems like the "norm" is now posting pictures with your significant others, planning your future and just being, well, coupley. But this is far from the truth. Being single for the first time in a long time has taught me a lot. Most importantly it has taught me that being single is a blessing.
Your Relationship Status Isn't You
I cannot emphasize this enough. The vocation you are called to in your life isn't what makes you, you. Sure, your vocation will compliment you, but it doesn't define you. If you think you're supposed to settle down and be married, that's great! If you think you're called to be single, then be that. For anything that your heart is calling you to remember other people, your job and your circumstances are not you.
Only You Can Control Your Feelings
OK, if you're like me in relationships, you tend to base your happiness (or any other emotion) on the other person. Here's an example: you're feeling down about yourself for whatever reason and the only way you feel better is by being affirmed by your significant other. You rely heavily on your emotional security to be upheld by another person.
Take a step back and think about that. You, a flawed human being, want another person, who is also flawed, to keep you emotionally stable. Yeah, that is not going to work. To be genuinely happy you must rely 99.9 percent of you emotions and feelings on yourself. If the relationship doesn't last you will be left not knowing what to do and most devastatingly, not knowing who you are.
Single Time = You Time
Yeah, I know this is pretty cliche to say but wow is it true. Discovering the true you is essential to make any other relationship in your life work. Coming out of a long relationship, especially one that wasn't healthy, you usually start with nothing. The one thing you based your life around is now gone and all you have is yourself. This being said, moving forward it's time to do things that make you happy.
Remember that restaurant you always wanted to try? Grab a friend and go! Want to spontaneously change your hair? Ain't nobody here to stop you now. Spend the money you would have on another on yourself, or better yet save it for something important.
Often, I found myself bending in every direction for the people I was dating. Between working plans around them, doing things they wanted to do or ignoring my own desires, I shaped myself into what they wanted me to be; not being who I really was.
This has had a huge affect on me. I thought it was OK to just make the other person happy when in reality I felt very empty and I didn't know why. It's not fair to you or the other person to be something you're not. The longer you pretend, the harder it will get to fix things or even end them.
There Is A Lot To Learn For Future Relationships
If you are being called to date and eventually marry, being single is the time to really define yourself and exactly what you want. You are worthy of the best partner available. You should have values and qualities that your future partner should meet. This doesn't mean you have unreasonable expectations. Remember that a relationship is a two way street. You cannot ask for more than you give yourself.
I had a friend tell me one time that relationships "shouldn't be 50/50, they should be 100/100 from both ends." I couldn't believe I never realized that. Keep it 100. It's common to feel like you're making all the effort but if you're with the right person they will match your effort and raise the bar higher.
Lastly,
Do Not Love Because You're Lonely, Love When You're Ready!
Read that bold print again. Yeah it does suck when all 10 of your closest friends are dating people and you're alone on their date nights, but save yourself the self-pity. Do not creep on your ex's social media, text that one person you "talked" to for two weeks in high school and please, for your own sake, close Tinder and enjoy the time you have to be alone.
It is entirely selfish to throw yourself back into the dating game when you are not ready. You will potentially hurt others and yourself. It's tough, I get it, you want to be comfortable again. You want to be loved and have someone to depend on. Well go look in the mirror. Love that person! Get to know that person.
Don't Throw Away Your Chance
It doesn't matter if you've been in a relationship or not, how old you are or the plans you have set: being single is a blessing. In 10, 20, maybe 30 years from now your life is going to be dramatically different. Whether you're running after 2 year olds, in charge of a business, traveling abroad or just living the life you're called to you, might miss your days of singularity.
Don't rush away any moment you have in your life. It's true, you don't know what you've got until it's gone and that goes for being single. Before long you'll be too busy to spend a night in relaxing alone so take advantage now.
Be patient, know yourself, love yourself and things will work out as they're planned to. Now, go treat yo self while you can!
