You know how when you were really young, you'd spend time dreaming about finding your "prince charming" and how you two would live happily ever after? Or maybe as a young teenager you fantasized getting married to the love of your life? Yeah, I'll admit that I did those things too. However, I have gotten to a point in my life where my feelings of falling in love have changed quite a bit. I don't fantasize about having a dreamy boyfriend in my life nor do I really want to at the moment. I am one of those people who are currently happy and okay with the idea of being single right now. If I'm going to be completely blunt here, it's just not something I want to do right now. I mean, there's no shame in falling in love or having a significant other, that's not what I'm trying to say. For me personally, I just want to stay single, and I have my reasons why.

Over this past year, I've developed this huge sense and desire for independence. To me, that's been such a huge step for me because for the longest time, I had a lot of trouble being dependent on others. But I have gotten to a point in my life where I enjoy being alone a lot. However, I see having a significant other as almost a sacrifice of my independence. I'm not saying that I'd have to spend every second with my S.O, but to me, I feel like I'd struggle with balancing being alone and being with someone. I'm not saying that I don't like being with people, it's just more of I'm at a place in my life where I want to live my life in my own way. Maybe at some point in time (key word: maybe) my heart will change and I'd be interested in dating, but for now I know it's just not something I want to commit to.

However, I also have another reason I don't want to date right now that goes deeper than just wanting to be independent. I know it sounds crazy and maybe even a little silly, but personally I am so afraid to fall in love with someone. I am one of those people that would just dread to get my heart broken or to just fall out of love with someone. The world of dating seems just so confusing sometimes because you think that two people are in love with each other, but before you know it they've broken up. I see it in my friends relationships all of the time and it just baffles me how people can just suddenly not love each other anymore. Things like that confuse me to the point that I don't want to experience it myself.

I know this next reason will sound really crazy, but I also believe that for me personally, there's no one out there whose right for me. I know it does sound insane and you're probably thinking "Kaitlyn there's billions of people out there, of course there's someone for you". But you see, it's complicated because I'm a complicated person. When I say that, I don't mean that I'm difficult to deal with (well most of the time I'm not lol), but it's more of a fact that there are just so many things about me and so many things that make me the person I am that I really don't feel like I'm really compatible with one single person. Again, I know it's a stretch, but unless someone like God is able to lead me to a person that is just like me (and good luck with that), I'd rather not get my hopes up.

I do have one more reason that I'm not really into dating, and I think this is one of the biggest reasons that I can't seem to want to date right now. I am afraid to get hurt. Yes, I'm not exaggerating when I say that I am afraid of that. I am actually afraid to be either physically or mentally hurt by someone. Someone doing something to hurt me (this was only mentally and emotionally) has happened before, and I don't want it to happen again. I am not ashamed to admit that I can be both vulnerable and fragile. While I am trying to improve on that, there will always be a part of me that can get hurt easily. Falling in love scares me enough already, and the thought of falling completely in love with someone for them to just hurt me is painful. I already have a good amount of trust issues thanks to other people in my life, and that has made it hard for me to just trust most people in the first place (and trust is something I see as important in a relationship). But if a S.O were to ever hurt me in any way, I actually don't think I'd ever be able to fall in love again.

Again I'm not saying that love is a bad thing, or that I'm not happy for people who have found someone for them. It's just for me, I do what I feel is best for myself and what will make me a happier person. So no, I'm not going to put myself on a dating app anytime soon or try my hardest to seek out a love interest. I'm perfectly okay and happy being single, and I don't think there's any shame in that either.