From having insecurity and self-hate issues since I was thirteen, then having failed relationships after another, I began to lose faith and hope in love. But mostly, I lost this love for myself.
Once I heard the quote, “Before someone loves you, you must love yourself.” And I sarcastically thought, “Well because that’s so easy.” Loving myself has been a mountainous difficulty. It wasn’t until I met my boyfriend that I realized that this quote doesn’t pertain to everyone. For me, this quote was actually the exact opposite.
It doesn’t necessarily take a romantic relationship for a girl to realize that she’s loved. I have come to appreciate that I am surrounded by many people who love me; I am so thankful to have these amazing people. However, I especially owe my happiness to a special guy.
What I think are my flaws, he thinks they’re more than perfect. When I see a stray hair, he says it’s in place. When I don’t feel fully prepared for an exam, he tells me that I know my notes inside and out. And when I’m tempted to order a pizza, he reminds me that, of course, you can never say no to pizza. Knowing that whatever I may see as imperfect, he will see as perfect, it helps me to stop worrying about my imperfections.
Seeing how much someone could love and care for me, I began to realize that I need to start to love and care for myself. When someone loves you, it forces you to become a better person—the best person you can be so you’re capable of treating him in the way that he deserves.
When you fall in love with someone, you love every part of them. One thing I love about him is that I love the person I am when I’m around him. Loving him has become a pattern of self-discovery. Somehow, I always end up learning something new about myself.
I admit that completely, wholeheartedly opening myself up to someone else is terrifying. After multiple unsuccessful relationships, friendships that grew apart, and impactful deaths in my family, I began to believe that all people leave. Because of that, I’ve grown afraid of getting close to people just because I don’t want to lose them. But the more I open up to him, I trust even further that every person that has even been placed in my life has been there for a certain reason as God’s plan for me.
I used to be a negative, pessimistic person; in some ways I still am. But my life has become a lot brighter after my boyfriend stepped into it. He’s the most positive person I know. He always knows how to look at things in a good light. And since that is one of my hardest challenges, this is one of my favorite traits about him.
I am happy. Those three words, for the last five years have been so difficult for me to say. But now, I can say it in complete honesty. I am happy. Not because I am in love with a wonderful man, but because I am finally in love with myself.
It takes a special level of empathy for a man to love a broken soul. It takes an even better man to help her realize that, maybe, just maybe, she was never broken at all.
