Once upon a time someone had a serious conversation with me about the differences between introverts and extroverts. The information she gave me completely changed my frame of mind and helped me pick up a term to help me understand myself.
Firstly, the idea about introversion and extroversion often comes from what you observe on the surface. All while growing up I asked complete strangers to be my friends and have been loud and majorly involved in, well, everything. I had grown up also believing I was an extrovert from what everyone around me said. But in reality, I was never quite comfortable being the main event in anything and often felt extremely exhausted whenever I had to be a part of small talk or be around a lot of other people for too long. This was not my idea of extroversion, but I was 'too loud' to be an introvert.
Then, one summer evening during a discussion about my performance as a camp counselor, my bright and lovely division director noticed how tired I looked near the end of the day and especially near the end of a camp session with few breaks. I blamed it on waking up too early and not getting enough sleep, which has been a problem for me quite frequently, but then she brought up the introvert and extrovert characteristics. Of course I claimed myself to be an extrovert, but she had a different idea that she pulled from her own experiences. She wondered if I was, as she put it, an "introvert with extrovert cards." I had no idea what it meant at first, but it definitely clicked.
You see, introversion and extroversion are sometimes able to be seen on the outside, but more than likely it is all about what is on the inside. You really figure it out when you find out what you need to do to recharge your batteries. Do you more frequently gain energy from alone time with your thoughts or from being in a big room of people exchanging stories and ideas? Do you feel exhilarated when you meet someone new or is small talk the thing of nightmares for you? How do you feel when someone calls your phone unexpectedly, even if it is a really good friend? An introvert may pick up, or they may ignore it because they have an anxious feeling wash over them all the while they see their phone screen light up. An extrovert may pick up, but may ignore it because they are actually busy talking to someone else.
For me, surprise phone calls and small talk are dreadful. Having to share ideas with others before I have a chance to think them through on my own is intimidating. But, I love being with people. I loved sports and being in choir and band. I love being in a sorority with a huge and diverse group of sisters. I can be loud, crazy, funny and talkative like any other person can be, I just can't do it nearly as much or as long as an extrovert before I'm absolutely drained. Thus, those are the so-called 'extrovert' cards I hold.
So, back to camp counseling. Being around kids nearly 24/7 and having a room full of other counselors when the kids weren't around really started to wear on me day after a couple days. Past and current counselors aren't lying when they say you learn so much about yourself, and I learned many things, but now I really understand that I need alone time to recharge. This has forced me to take care of myself and know what that means for me specifically.
If you are a fellow introvert with extrovert cards, it's okay. You can say no to plans, you can take moments (or hours) for yourself, you are not intruding when you make plans with someone else and you don't have to justify your actions (or inactions) to anyone. I was a crappy counselor when I was exhausted and didn't take a nap, read, sit on the dock or go on a solo walk. I was a really good one when I took the time I needed for myself. I am a crappy human when I don't space out alone for awhile, but I think I am at least okay when I do. Know yourself, find the thing that recharges you, do it and continue being awesome.
