I am a girly girl. I love dresses, and I love pink: the color, the spirit of it. Make-up makes me feel powerful and wearing heels is essential to my personal look. But it wasn’t always like that. During the years of middle school and high school, I was a major tomboy. I hated anything feminine and my internalized misogyny was very real.
Back in those days, I remember referring to some girls as "sluts" and hating on stereotypically feminine things and activities. But by the end of high school, which for me was 2012, I started to get more educated about the internalized misogyny I had been carrying around all those years.
Why was I so afraid of the gentle colors that I really liked? Why did I feel like skirts and dresses would somehow make me a try-hard? Activities like cooking, sewing, knitting, gardening, painting and others that are deemed "feminine" I do enjoy, so why was I hiding my mastery at them? As if it was embarrassing to be a girl.
Because the truth is, femininity is seen as weakness in a lot of cultural aspects in society, even though it is not true. So, as I began exploring my inner world I learned the powerful effects of loving yourself, no matter how you decide to depict yourself. And I chose to be me, in my full princess and Barbie girl way.
As I began to embrace everything I used to hate in my younger years I remembered a quote from the second live action Scooby-Doo movie. Daphne said, "I enjoy being a girl," after she used make-up to set the gang free from a trap. It was like a veil was lifted from my head, like a cold bucket of water, or a brick hitting me straight in my face. Because, truth is, I DID enjoy being a girl.
I used to say that I have more guy friends, and that girls are drama. I used to judge girls that put effort into their looks. But I have grown and changed and I’m still growing and changing. I try to learn from my past mistakes and judgments and I am not the person I was a few years ago.
I love my lady friends, and to be honest, boys are drama. I love putting in effort into how I look and being completely extra because it makes me feel like I can take over the world. But that does not mean that I am weak or in any way a damsel in distress. Because even though my misogynistic youth might have caused me to hate myself in my feminine way, it made me develop a knack for traditionally masculine activities.
Even though it took me time to unlearn all the hate, it also made me into the person I am today, one with different interests and different abilities that range in a spectrum of wide variety. You can like whatever you want, because the only person you need to satisfy is yourself.
So, if you ever check my bag you will find a pink Swiss knife, Hello Kitty band-aids, and a ton of make-up. Because there’s nothing wrong with being who you are, and there’s no shame in being a feminine girl who can also kick ass.
