It's the start of a brand new season. There's fresh sheets of ice, freshly painted designs in the endzone, freshly waxed courts, and freshly cut grass in the outfield.
It's a brand new season for your favorite team. Changes were made in the off-season, major or minor - trades, free agency, hirings, signings and cuts. The media speculates it's finally your team's year. Your offense has never been better. Your defense is top-notch. Your coach was able to put all the pieces together.
And then the season starts, and you remember that your team is mediocre at best, and the horror begins.
1. Blind optimism.
"We learned from our mistakes last year. We made the necessary changes and we're ready to go. Nothing can stop us this year!"
2. Caution.
"It's a month into the season and your team's record is...what it is. BUT! Your team hasn't played a game that mattered in a long time! It's just early season jitters and a matter of just shaking the dust off. Yeah, we didn't do too well in the preseason, but that doesn't count (right?)."
3. Denial.
"It's fine. It's totally fine. We're nowhere near the trade deadline yet, and the playoffs aren't at stake right now. Just let the front office make all the right moves and we'll be fine! Everything's fine."
4. Disbelief.
It's the middle of the season and you aren't even entirely sure why you still watch your team's games. By now, you knew your team was bad, but not THIS bad. Injuries start plaguing the players, players aren't at their full potential,
5. Impatience.
"How long until my other favorite sports teams start playing? No really, because I'm done with this one."
6. Slight glimmers of hope.
"We won four out of our last five games? We got rid of those pitchers weighing us down? Our offensive line got it together? The playoffs are still (kind of) in reach? I think we can do something with this!"
7. Just kidding.
Your team chokes against teams it should've blown out, loses steep leads, takes dumb penalties, and just does some overall nonsensical and aggravating things. The front office seems to find nothing wrong. You find yourself cursing and hurling objects at the TV more often.
8. Acceptance.
" Goodbye, playoffs. You were so close, yet always remain so far. Hello again, despair of the offseason. Time to find other teams to root for in the World Series, Stanley Cup Finals, Super Bowl, NBA Finals and other championship series, because it sure as hell isn't going to be us."
Quite literally nothing your team does surprises you anymore. Now is when you seriously begin to count down to the preseasons of your other favorite teams.
9. Repeat step 1 with every subsequent season.
After a few weeks of the season's end (when your team goes out with a whimper and not a bang): "Whatever. You know what? I don't even care that the (insert your team here) sucked this year, because the (insert other team here) are back, and our team is ready. This is our year, I swear."
DISCLAIMER: Steps 2-9 will most likely reoccur as result of step 9. Proceed with caution. If you find these steps reoccurring incessantly, consult with your local bartender or punching bag.
