Can I get real? This week has been a hard week. 7 kids in the house, less sleep than normal and sunburn is a monster is a summary of the craziness that I have going on. I just wanted to explode when I got the news that I wouldn't be working all week and the $20 in my pocket is all I have until I go back on the next Monday. Let me tell you, I was throwing out the f-bomb like crazy when I couldn't get my really nice razor refills- the ones with a solid pound of soap lathered at the top. I was distraught and in a moment of utter panic. I was lividly angry. My amazing boyfriend- who honestly is one of the most supportive people- is texting me about something that should have been really cool and exciting but at that moment in time, it wasn't. I was pissed. He gets the hint that I not myself and calls me.
Ladies and gentlemen, it is perfectly acceptable to have an angry and frustrated moment. I had half an hour of trying to figure out what in the heck I was going to do. While I came up with nothing good, I was able to have my #ZapOut. I feel like all of us need at least one that people are just like "Welp, we know she's angry" and they kinda just move on. In that phone call of eerily silent moments and me getting a little more frustrated than he is accustomed to, I got to get angry and flip out and that was the important part.
For someone with anger issues like I have had, that angry moment is probably the best thing ever. It saved the drawn-out grudge like anger to come up. It let it all out in one shot and made it so I can figure out a clear-minded Plan B. But my boyfriend didn't get that and that's probably why I wrote this. For those of you who, with no real choice of your own, may never know that struggle of needing the angry moment to keep a clear frame of mind sometimes. Because there are going to be moments when my boyfriend thinks that the anger I am having is directed at him, and while it may seem like that, it's more directed at the open air that will take it away and turn into nothing more than the carbon dioxide a flower needs to bloom.
So for every one of my angry moments, I hope a flower blooms. For the #ZapOut I had in Walmart last week, I hope a tree grew extra. For the fire inside my eyes and the hiss in my tone, I hope I helped the grass become a little greener.