Ever since I was little, I loved being by myself. "Me time" was the best time. Of course, sometimes it was boring, but most of the time it was more satisfying that way. It meant I could do what I want when I want, and I could play with all my toys by myself. It meant I could make myself my number one priority and I didn’t have to worry about other people’s happiness. Once I hit grade school, I started making friends and spending as much time as I could with them. Don’t get me wrong, my friends are great, and I am so thankful for all they have done for me growing up, but I lost myself in all of it. I was probably known as the social butterfly growing up. I talk to everyone. You could say I took after my dad whether that was a good thing or not; I loved to talk. Growing up, I was not the kind of girl who was boy-crazy.
I can honestly say I have only had one relationship that I deeply cared about, and that was freshman year. Once I realized how much I hated depending on other people to make me happy, I became the independent woman I am now. I taught myself that my happiness comes first because I truly am the only person I can fully trust to make decisions for myself. Throughout high school, I talked to boys and the instant I started getting feelings I would push them away because I didn’t want to be that person who needed other people. I was that girl that “friend-zoned” any boy who came close to getting me to open up and be vulnerable. And to be honest, that still holds true, and I am in college. Do not let yourself stay with someone who you do not actually love. As scary as the world might seem to be by yourself, promise you will find yourself out there and find someone who truly deserves you. Just always remember being alone does not make your life lonely.
I enjoyed being by myself, but that doesn’t mean I was lonely. I actually had everyone I needed. I had my family and my friends, and that’s all I needed to be happy and that to this day still holds true. I realized that happiness needs to come from myself and not a boy or the people around you. Yes, the people around you can help add to your happiness, and it is okay to depend on them some of the time.
Always remember that yourself should be happy first. You cannot control what people around you do and say, but you can control yourself. I am not saying relationships are bad, but make sure you know who you are, and you are yourself when you get into one. Don’t ever let a boy change you. Being by yourself does not mean you have to be lonely. I am as single as single can get, yet I’ve never felt this loved and appreciated. My friends are the best. My family is amazing. My life is full of people I love.
