A Beginners Guide To Loving Yourself

A Beginners Guide To Loving Yourself

It's a new era of loving the way you look.
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Body positivity is something that I frequently write about; it's a topic that I feel very strongly about. With so much negativity swirling around these days regarding the way people look, I think it's important for people to know that they are more than what the scale says. Everywhere you look you see models in their underwear, someone tweeting about how if you're a certain weight you shouldn't wear certain clothes, or someone trying the newest diet program, or people tweeting very self-conscious things. I'm not one to judge, I believe that everyone is beautiful in their own way. But with all of these new diets and passive aggressive tweets I have to wonder, does anybody truly love themselves anymore? Like 100% in love with the way they look? If losing weight will make you truly love yourself, then by all means go for it! But if you're having trouble loving yourself here is a brief Beginners Guide to Loving Yourself.

The first step you should take in order to love yourself is simple: dance around your room in your underwear. I'm serious! I have never felt more confident than when I've been dancing around my room half naked. It gives you a chance to see yourself without the clothes you might so often hide behind. So put on your favorite playlist, strip down, and dance it out! If you're having trouble finding songs you like to get you in the mood check out Spotify's many mood playlists under the browse section.

The next step is to delete any negativity from your life. Have an acquaintance that always tweets sad stuff about her own appearance? Unfollow them! Seeing their negative tweets will make you start thinking negative things as well. Instead follow people who post more body positive things. If you're thinking about losing weight, follow people who are also losing weight. These types of people will inspire you. As much as we like to say social media isn't a big influence in our lives it is. If you follow people who post negative things you'll have a more negative mindset and vice versa.

Another way to begin loving yourself is the most simple way in this brief guide: just do it. No, I'm not endorsing Nike, if you want to love yourself wholeheartedly just start doing it. I know it isn't as easy as it sounds. Everyone has things about themselves that they find undesirable. I consider myself to be a pretty confident person and I still have days where I have trouble loving myself. But in the end I always choose to love myself. Choose to ignore what the models look like and what the negative people say. Everyday wake up and love yourself. When you have those negative thoughts, because they do occur, push them far, far away and replace them with positives.

Like I said, I know that loving oneself is not always easy. But like most things you learn to do, you have to try. Everyday try to love yourself. It will take time, but if you make an effort everyday it will happen. Remember that you are so much more than the way you look. Beauty is a social construct and because of that beauty can include every shape, size, and color. Social constructs aren't easy to change, but if everyone starts to look at it in a different light it could change.

Cover Image Credit: istockphoto.com

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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Alabama’s New Abortion Law Is All About The State Controlling Women's Body

Lately there has been a lot of controversy about abortion and birth control laws. Here's why they're the wrong move.

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I'm going to say this once and I'm going to say it loud.

NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO CONTROL ANOTHER PERSON'S BODY.

No MAN can tell us, women, how to live.

Recent laws have been presented saying that abortion after six weeks is illegal--right around when doctors would be able to detect a heartbeat.

An article with all the details and all the facts will be presented at a separate time or the information can be googled. This is to let everyone know EXACTLY why this bill is not necessary.

First, one of the largest parts of this bill that irritates me is the rule over women's bodies when it was written by old white men sitting in an office staring at each other. If you don't have to deal with this problem, you don't get to decide the outcome.

The entire bill is telling women what to do with their bodies, telling us what is right and wrong. If a person has to give consent for their organs to be dissected AFTER their death, what right do they have to tell us what to do with it while we're living?

"THE LEGISLATION MAKES NO EXCEPTION FOR VICTIMS OF RAPE OR INCEST" (CBS)

Here's a story my friend sent to me that I think everyone needs to read.

"You're the parent of an 11-year-old girl, she gets her period for the first time. No big deal! She decides she wants to go to a summer camp, where she is raped by a 45-year-old maintenance man for the grounds. You never find out.

The following month she doesn't get her period, being only her 3rd-5th one since she started, you don't think much of it and your wife reassures you her cycle doesn't begin an exact month to month track until she's been menstruating for a full year. Two weeks later your wife gets concerned and brings her to the doctors. They tell you your 11-year-old daughter is 6 weeks and 1 day pregnant.

Who did this? Your daughter tells you about the rape, she's still confused about what happened. In elementary school, they haven't taught sex education and she never knew what was really going on. Just knew that it hurt.

Sure, you can obtain an abortion, she can't have a baby at 11-years-old! And she can't have a baby from her 45-year-old rapist. The doctor then informs you that due to the laws in your state, unless you've filed a police report about the rape before this appointment finding out she is pregnant, that legally the 6-week mark indicates no doctor can perform her abortion.

She's 11.

You didn't know she was raped. She didn't know what was happening. We'll leave the state.

The doctor informs you that you can't do that either. Due to this new law, any woman who leaves the state and receives an abortion is facing 10 years in prison. Anyone who facilitates this person in leaving state can be charged with conspiracy to murder. And if she gets an abortion illegally, at home or given medication to help assist the abortion process, she can face the death penalty."

Now your daughter is not only damaged emotionally and psychologically but she is forced to go through a pregnancy that her body can barely handle.

And your 11-year-old is a mother.

All because there was a belief that life is precious and a gift from God and no one thought that the separation of church and state happened for a reason.

Congratulations.

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