Ah yes a Cold one, brewski, liquid courage, giggle water, Nectar from the gods, the list goes on and on.

But here’s the thing. BEER F**KING SUCKS! Ah and here come the responses: “BLASPHEMY!” “HERTIC!” “SHAME!” It feels like I’m walking through Kings Landing, naked with a bell and everyone screaming “SHAME”! Game of Thrones anyone?

I will not recant my statement beer is disgusting. The taste is bitter, the look has the appeal of sewer water and again the TASTE IS AWFUL. Now don’t get me wrong I can’t say ALL beer is gross I for one do enjoy --

Blue Moon Orange Flavor. (Probably not the name but that's what it is) You know why I enjoy Blue Moon Orange Flavor? Because it masks the taste of BEER! Flavored beer masks it’s bitterness, allows taste and textures to come through the disgusting bitterness that is beer. Blue Moon definitely knows what they're doing. A downright tasty beverage and if I was forced to [CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!] a brew I would pick this.

Here take a look at this drink:

LOOK AT IT!

Oh it's so sexy, sleek, beautiful, delicious, alluring and just makes you want to curl up on a couch and let her take you to magic land. Disaronno has a sweet vanilla taste that goes down smoother than a date on prom night. I can drink this STRAIGHT. I don’t have to force it down my throat, and I get an unbelievable warm feeling after just two drinks.

Want to guess what I get after two drinks of beer?

My belching technique is superb, my stomach feels like I’m in my 3rd trimester and my pee has the delicious aroma of urine and beer combined.

Now look I’m not on a high horse here. I enjoy tailgating, getting bleeped up at a bar and whoever prefers beer over liquor that’s perfectly fine. Honestly drink whatever you want to your hearts desire. I’m just saying if someone offers me a free beer I’ll kindly drink it. Sure I may make a squirmy face as if someone just put a worm in my drink but I’ll still drink it I’m not a total d!ck.

Now I may not prefer beer but I understand it’s place in the liquor world. It's introduced to freshmen at college, keg sales go up, and Homer Simpson wouldn't be Homer Simpson without it.

To alcohol the cause and solution to all of life's problems

At the bar when I see tons of beer available I’ll smirk and then ask the barkeep to get me a real drink.