I hate restarting an exercise program. It is so frustrating. You can’t find workout clothes that support and fit. If they support, they don’t come in anything larger than a size XL, approximately a size 12 -14 depending on the designer. If they fit, you end up wearing 2 underwire bras under that sports bras and you can expect the inner thigh seams to wear from chub rub in a month or two. Now add to that our bodies aren’t perfect and we’re heading into a world where we think everyone is chiseled like Adonis and Athena. Suddenly, we’re insecure and our heads are telling us to quit before we even finish the thought of starting an exercise program.

It’s tough to start when all we can think about is how we feel we’ve already failed but that doesn’t have to be the case. There are many examples of “fit and flabulous” athletes as they are now dubbed. We’ve all seen the commercials with the beautiful obese yogi, Jessamyn Stanley, in the most amazingly graceful looking yoga poses. OMG! So jealous. There’s also ultramarathoner, Mirna Valerio, who weighs around 250 lbs. and let’s not forget some of our favorite professional athletes as well as four female Olympians

With positive plus sized role models what’s holding us back? For me it’s a combination of the fear of failure and the fear of ridicule along the social anxiety of trying to find clothing and equipment to fit my size. After doing some research on what causes people to self-defeat workingout I found that I’m no special snowflake. Many people have the same feelings.

To help myself and my readers I have come up with a few ideas on how we can overcome our fears and start towards our own fit and flabulous life.

1. Change your definition of athlete. If you are working out. If you are playing a sport. If you are dancing. If you are running. You are doing something that is athletic. Surprise! You’re an athlete.

2. Talk to people you know who are athletes but not chiseled gods and goddesses. Get their insights and advice on not being the perfectly formed athlete. In preparation for this article, I sent a message via Facebook to a lady I truly look up to that I used to play roller derby with. She’s a runner and she’s got a pooch. I wouldn’t consider her fat but she’s not the kind of runner I see gracing the cover of Runner’s World. I’m going to share her comments and advice throughout this article because this is what we need to hear.

3. Realize that there are body positive sports and athletes out there just waiting to embrace you into their tribe. I played roller derby for almost four years. I don’t think I have ever been involved in a more body positive sport. Heidi, my runner friend, loves running and the November Project, 43 worldwide groups of people just waiting to climbing the stairs at local stadiums with other people regardless of size.

By looking for groups that are body positive you will find people who are willing to help you and cheer you on. According to Heidi the, “November Project wants people to ‘just show up’ and once you get there they will cheer you on HARD.” I can say the exact same thing happened to me at roller derby. I struggled harder than many other athletes but less than some. Still we cheered each other on with each improvement we made. We were there for each other.

4. Find a sport or physical activity that you love. You’re more likely to stick to it if you love it. Roller derby excited me and that’s why I stuck with it regardless of its challenges. Heidi gets up at the butt crack of dawn to do the November project and run because she loves what she does and the people she does it with. If you find running boring or you’re going to the gym because the doctor told you to, you’re probably going to quit fast because there’s nothing real driving you to do it. So, find what you love.

5. Find your tribe. This comes from Heidi. In her responses to my questions she always gushed about the people she runs with and does the November Project with. She talks about how they support her and she supports them. “Most athletes . . . just love that people are showing up and getting out there and don't care at all about what the person looks like. They are happy to welcome you and to teach you about their sport.

6. Take your time finding what workout clothes makes you feel good. I love roller derby because working out in fishnets and tight tops made me feel empowered. For Heidi it’s the Sports Bras Squad, a group of women she runs with wearing sports bras tops. For others it’s just something that fits comfortable in a nice cut and design. Still what you wear can boost your enthusiasm to workout.

7. Concentrate on yourself and your improvements. Are you worried that people at the gym are judging you? Plug in your headphones and concentrate on what you’re doing. Not only will you be blocking out any distractions but music has been proven to improve your performance. If you’re playing a sport then, obviously, you can’t wear headphones but you can still concentrate on yourself and your improvements.

8. Reward yourself. No, not by going out and having a pizza and beer afterwards but with something nice that you really enjoy or want. You just mastered your crossovers, buy yourself a nice bath bomb set. You finally ran a twelve-minute mile. You deserve a pair of new shoes. Instead of concentrating on how difficult sports, exercise and working out is, concentrate on how much you’ve improved by creating a self-reward system.

9. Learn to find your confident alter ego. This was so easy in roller derby because we got to choose alter ego names that we could imagine ourselves as. Mine was MindCriminal after Queensryche’s album, Operation Mindcrime. My alter ego was a sexy assassin blocker knocking down jammers. Use this same process to boost yourself. If you’re a runner, what are you running for? Are you a cancer fund hero? Are you just running from Michael Myers because you’re a horror movie fan and you imagine yourself as the tough sexy survivor at the end of the movie? It sounds ridiculous but it’s a form of visualization that tricks your lack of confidence into imagining yourself as a stronger confident person. It’s a crazy motivator but it works.

10. Lastly accept setbacks. They happen. They are that seemingly dream busting life sucker of life but it doesn’t have to be. If you accept them you will find ways to be more flexible and move forward without setting yourself back.

I recently set myself back because after sustaining injuries that kept me from roller derby I could only concentrate on getting back to roller derby and nothing else would do. It wasn’t until I was able to accept the fact that I may never play roller derby again that I finally stopped gaining massive amounts of weight and found my new goal.

Sports and exercise only appears to be an elitist club commercially. Businesses sell images. Images people want to see, want to be. It sells and they don’t care about making us feel bad because these images make them money. When you get down to the real-life players, runners and athletes they aren’t as elitist as the fitness industry would have us believe. There are many less than Adonis and Athena athletes who are more than willing to build you up and cheer you on. There are more reasons to workout and or play a sport than to not do it.

So, stop terminating your progression before you start. You are amazing and people see you as amazing. Learn what motivates you so you can motivate yourself. You are stronger than you think, sexier than you think, better than you think and believe it or not, some thinks of you as an inspiration. I know that’s hard to believe but it’s true.

I remember going to open skate on Friday nights to learn and to become a better skater. I asked questions of the better skaters and listened to their advice. As new skaters came in I found myself sometimes being the skater being asked for advice from new skaters. I found it exciting that they asked me questions and I shared my knowledge and experience that I had learned from others. One day as I was venting my frustrations on how much I sucked as a skater one of those less experienced skaters expressed how she looked up to me because she thought I had good form and skated well. It was an eye opener for me to hear what someone else thought. From then on, I started looking back to see how far I had come instead of looking forward to the daunting how far I had to go and suddenly, thanks to the support of that other skater, I realized I was doing a great job of getting better.

Don’t let yourself down. It only hurts you. As unfit overweight or unfit obese people, we already have enough disadvantages that we’re dealing with. Let’s take the time to remove one more of those blocks and build ourselves up because we are worth it and we are amazing.