Growing up in a home torn apart by addiction will change you forever. Some will adhere to the lifestyle and succumb to the darkest parts of themselves, others, like myself, will use the experience to motivate them to be better than their past. Watching my parents fall victim to the seduction of a life filled with temporary invincibility, no responsibility, and fast money, was a nightmare that seemed one I would never wake up from.
Although the rain faltered, and the sun came out, I have been permanently programmed to see the world differently. One of the most difficult, yet impossible, things a person can do is attempt to see a horrific experience as a positive one. For me, finding all of the ways I have been changed by addiction was the first step; the result... the pros outweigh the cons.
Because my parents were on drugs, I have been cursed with the ability to jump to conclusions in the most pessimistic, colossal way. I will always think you’re dead if you don’t answer my phone call the first time I attempt to call you. I will always assume the worst, and I will remain in a complete state of panic until you call me back, and assure me that you’re actually not dead, you were just in the shower.
Because my parents were on drugs, I know exactly how to take a warm bath, flush the toilet, and brush my teeth even though the water has been shut off for weeks.
Because my parents were on drugs, I know that when the bank takes your house, it actually means they destroy everything inside and leave all of your furniture outside in the rain.
Because my parents were on drugs, I have a high pain tolerance. Stepping on shards of glass every step you take from the shattered meth pipes, because you do not have any other choice.
Because my parents were on drugs, I learned that Christmas will still go on without a Christmas tree, and with an incarcerated father.
Because my parents were on drugs, I have great taste in music; because they never cared what I listened to.
Because my parents were on drugs, I am numb to hurtful situations. Growing up the way I did meant living with an unbearable amount of disappointment and pain. As a little girl, I created a world inside my head where emotions didn’t exist. That was my safe place, where I would spend most of my days hiding from the cruel realities I was plagued with. Now, sometimes I get lost there and I can’t find my way back. Sometimes, it’s impossible for me to feel anything at all.
Because my parents were on drugs, I am independent. I will never be somebody who relies on the presence of another person, because I survived many years when the only person I could rely on was myself.
Because my parents were on drugs (and poor), I never lived anywhere for more than two years.
Because my parents were on drugs, I got to visit one parent in a psychiatric hospital and the other in jail.
Because my parents were on drugs, our apartment got broken into, and all of our stuff was stolen. I guess the perpetrator didn’t have kids because they barely touched any of my stuff (except my Toaster Strudel’s, which still upsets me to this day).
Because my parents were on drugs, I am incredibly humbled by the life I live today, with my parents. Not many people make it out on the other side of addiction. There isn’t a single thing that I am not incredibly thankful for, because I know that we are among the lucky ones.
Because my parents were on drugs, I have developed an everlasting amount of faith in those that I love. No, I’m not saying that I kept a positive attitude the entire time my parents were getting high. But I knew that somehow, they would win that battle with themselves. I learned to never give up on the people that mean the most to you.
Because my parents were on drugs, I have an insatiable desire to help others. Whether it be through my pain, my story, or my support.
Because my parents were on drugs, we have developed an impenetrable bond; the type of bond that can only be formed from coming out of a hopeless situation, stronger than we were before.
Because my parents are no longer on drugs, they are my heroes. They are the two greatest people I have ever known. I have never been more proud of anyone or anything in my life. I’m thankful to even know who they are.
Because my parents are no longer on drugs, I will never be the same; and I am absolutely a better person because of it.
