I have had many types of love in my life, but this love that I have for you, I have only felt one time in my existence. This is the love that burns in my chest when I think about losing you.
you told me today, this lonely forsaken, final stricken, depression filled day, about how your life was put in danger. I couldn't breathe for a moment, and for a very scary second, I imagined what it would do to me, to have you gone. It killed me, not in the way mortality kills us, but in the way our minds kill us. Thinking about you, gone from me, gone from the world... I could not imagine it. Let me tell you why.
When you came into my life, I was violently young, and I didn't know how to deal with the way you made me feel. I felt comfortable with you, in a way I had never felt with anyone else. Frankly, it scared the hell out of me. So much so, that I didn't speak to you for two years. But those two years, I spent them in a confused agony only teenagers can feel when they dont understand something. It is cruel and hopeless and I wondered if something was wrong with me. I missed you, simply because you gave me comfort. Being with you was like breathing, it was instinct.
and so, I looked at you again, and this time, it was me who did the waiting. Eight months of heartache and grief, wondering if I would ever have you again. But I wouldn't give those eight months up for the world. It was my proof to myself that I needed you. And my did you come through. You and I came together like puzzle pieces, easy, and comfortable.
Ii began simply as comfort. Then it grew. It grew into a passion that scared the hell out of me. How could I feel so much for a singular person, that I had never felt for anyone else? It was strange and fantastic and I loved it. I realized, in a singular moment of joy, that I loved you. I loved your smile, and how your voice sounded. I loved how simple little things could amuse and excite you. You captured my attention with the most beautiful smile on the planet, and I am wholly yours.
Not even when I moved to college, so long ago now it seems, did we falter. We are strong in ourselves. But today, today I realized how completely dependent I am upon your existence. Today made me realize how horribly fragile we are, and how every moment spent apart is a moment wasted. I have been with you for two years, have known you since I was fifteen, but today, I feel that new confusion again. I am confused and I am scared and I want to run away because I am so scared to lose you. None of this makes any sense to me right now. How are you, this one singular being, able to make me fall short of breath? Wy am I so terrified to lose you?
But I wont run away from these questions. Not again. Not ever. Because I made you a promise, a very long time ago, that I would never abandon you. Because you need me, and I...well I wouldn't make it two seconds without you. You and I are a team, and it is our job to hold each other up. I will always hold you up.
I love you.
Your Person,
Sam.
